Getting satisfaction -- sort of

In response to the comment that ask which piece I saw someone wearing, here is a picture of it.

It took me a couple of days to dig through the photos of jewelry that is gone, but here it is

Interestingly, this was not my favorite of the two pieces on this music theme that I made. I really liked the one that had a trumpet and a keyboard, but the lady that bought this loves it, so it's all ok



Yesterday I got my check from the State Fair for my prize money.

Because of my complaint, next year the fair folks will not change any piece entered to a different catagory without first consulting with the person that entered it.

They have still not satisfactorily answered some of my other questions, but I'll take that little bit of progress anyway.

Time to get busy!

Fizzy Lifting Drinks and Finding Purpose

Last week, as I was in the crunch of putting the finishing touches on the charity auction, my daughter starting giving me Emergen C to help me keep from catching my son-in-law's head cold.

If you are familiar with the original movie of Willie Wonka, you may remember Charlie's adventure with the Fizzy Lifting Drinks.

We started calling the Emergen C "fizzy lifting drink", and had a good laugh about it. This week I'm still using the stuff as a "just in case" --- the raspberry is pretty good tasting.

Today I got an email telling me that the total amount earned from my efforts was about $13,000, giving them about $8,000 after expenses to put toward the production of the next opera.

That number makes me feel really good. It tells me that I did a good job.

While it may sound a little silly, it feels really good to have done such a big job and have it be so successful.

The past few years I have had some times that I have felt a bit useless -- the result of having retired from the corporate job and having my daughter leave home all at about the same time.

Coordinating the auction and working with adults toward a goal has been very rewarding (if some days exasperating!).

It's good to feel like there is a purpose to what I am doing.

Now it's on to the next adventure.

Exhausted, exasperated, exhilarated

Exhausted --- yup, setting up and running the auction was lots of work

several days last week were spent "pounding the keys" to get the data into a form that the cashiers could work with

then we spent a couple of evenings creating baskets out of the various pieces that had been donated to us

Exasperated --- the worst part of the whole event is the bundling up of the packages at the end of the process

there was not really enough space to take things from the numerical sequence to the alphabetical sequence and we had about 45 minutes of just waiting for the cashiers to do their work before we could even start doing that

and by then we had people waiting at the door to pick stuff up

Exhilarated --- last year I had donated a piece of jewelry to the auction

over the years of doing shows, I've donated a lot of things to auctions or as door prizes, and I've sold a lot of my art -- bears, jewelry

for the most part after I hand over the piece, I never know again if the person that bought it or received it actually likes it or uses it or if it just ends up in a box somewhere and will eventually end up in a garage sale or a trash can

so as I sat at the back of the room while people went through the auction it was an amazing feeling to look up and see someone actually wearing the piece of jewelry I donated last year

not only was she wearing it, but she had added a piece of chain to the back of it to extend it to the perfect length for her and she adores it

at the intermission she came back and ask me to sign the back of it

how amazing ----

R.I.P. Mary

when I was a teenager I was more a fan of folk singers than rock and roll

even though I listened to the Beetles, I loved passionately the music of Peter, Paul and Mary

and although at that time in my life I didn't have the financial means to buy the albums, I listened to the radio and knew the tune and lyric to almost every song

so when I heard this morning that she was gone, I felt very sad

I'm really glad that we have all of those wonderful recordings of her reminding us that we have a social responsibility to those around us who are less fortunate that we

R.I.P.

thoughts on when a blue ribbon is a bad thing

This is the quilt my DH and I designed and made for our son-in-law, hanging in the display at the State Fair.

See there on the bottom edge --- a blue ribbon

When I first saw this at the Fair, I was thrilled

Yesterday we went to the fair grounds to pick up our entries as the fair is now over

Right now, I'm unhappy about that blue ribbon

Why? Because the fair committee for this division decided when they did the judging that this was in the wrong catagory.

I entered it in the catagory that was described as "Original design, quilt or comforter, hand quilted"

They moved it to the catagory described as "Quilt, applique, hand quilted"

And yes, it is a quilt, yes it is appliqued and yes it is hand quilted. But what I'm upset about is that they decided, after I stated on my entry form that it was an original design, that it was not.

EXCUSE ME!??

Upset I guess is not really the word --- totally enraged is better.

Oh yes, and when I asked about it at pick up, the two ladies that were manning the area said "well there's so many parrot patterns out there......"

I don't care if there are a billion parrot patterns out there --- I didn't use one of those! Each and every little feather on this quilt was hand drawn by the DH and hand sewn by me.

And what about the quilter that placed second in this catagory because they decided to move my work here? That quilter should be angry too because the competition was not fair.

I sent off an email this morning to the only contact I have at the fair, trying to find out if there is someone specific I can address this issue to. Failing that, I will just write a letter to the entries department.

Much as I love to win (and yes, I DO love to win), this is not the right way

as the title says --- some random thoughts

I'm drowning in paperwork for the charity auction I volunteered to chair; it's been at least 6 weeks since I've visited some of the blogs I used to get to once a week; and I had signed up to do "class work" over at Marty's blog, but haven't done a one.

Fall is coming, the squash in the garden are setting on, the neighbor FINALLY moved his wood pile and instead of us having to, he actually repaired the fence, which means I'll get to paint the garden shed.

Over the weekend I had two days in the row that I felt energetic and strong again so I cleaned out another shelf in the linen closet (only one to go!!) and washed all of those things as well as a whole tub full of assorted dresser scarves, table cloths, doilies and napkins (all of which had been just sitting in that tub for probably 6 or 7 years!).

Yesterday I once again felt like I'd been run through the knot hole ---- BLEAH!!

Ok, I guess this whole recovering thing will continue to be two steps forward and one step back.

This morning I actually did get to one of the blogs I read almost every day while I was recovering (I hadn't been there in nearly a week!), and found myself smiling at her adventures and longing for a group of friends like she has.

I can't wait for the auction to be done so I can get on with planning and working to sell the house and move closer to our daughter --- with a deliberate plan to find that group!

in the garden

we've had a busy little spider!

this amazing web is over an evergreen tree right outside the patio door --- I took about a dozen pictures, and this is the only one where you can really see the web

(I used a squirt bottle to put a very fine mist of water over the web, so what makes it visable are the tiny little water droplets on the web)










even though the hail beat up some of the sunflowers, they are a hardy bunch and have decided to bloom anyway

I've noticed that there are a lot more bees in the garden now that they have bloomed too

so next year when I plant, I may think about planting some flowers out there in with the crops to help draw the bees






and here is why I want more bees ---

see him there in the blossom?

busy gathering necture to make honey

oh yeah, and pollinating the squash blossom

yup, we want more bees










so I can see more blossoms that look like this!

a pumpkin!

this year we planted acorn squash, hubbard squash and pumpkins, and it's looking like we might actually get some of each --- as long as there is no more hail and the frosts don't come too early



since we're getting toward fall now, it's time to do those chores that need to happen before the snow flies

today I'm planning to scrape the old cracked paint off of the garden shed so I can give it a fresh coat of paint --- and we'll be taking a look at the fence next to the shed to see what we need to do to it too

In praise of good kids

I have a great kid

and she married a really great kid too

she reads my blogs and follows along with the "trials and tribulations" as well as the artistic endeavors

last week she saw my post about the medical bills and the tight budget and that my little piece in the budget for art supplies would be cut yet again

when I got home yesterday from our trip to the fair, there was an envelope in the mail

pretty card (Sunflowers by Monet, which is a whole special connection of it's own) with a note from my daughter and her husband and a gift card to our local craft store

when I called her and asked what the occassion was, she said she can't magically make the medical bills go away, but she can help keep me from being so depressed by keeping me in art supplies (she knows how far I can stretch this card by using coupons and shopping sales) --- her husband says a lot of the art work ends up at their house, so they should help "support my habit"

love it

like I said --- I have great kids

Shame on us

we seen to have forgotten this horror as we've moved along crashing the economy -- seems to me this was perhaps the beginning of that crash



but the economy is really the least of the shame of New Orleans and how our government left the city to die




the real shame here is that we are 4 years later and there are huge areas that are still just piles of trash ---- it took less time to rebuild sections of Europe after WWII



shame on us

yet another whine

sorry folks, and for those of you that just don't want to read another blog where someone complains, take a clue and stop reading here

I went over the growing stack of bills yesterday --- and let me tell you, it is enough to make a grown woman cry

so far I have yet to receive a single bill for the actual surgery, but plenty of them on the diagnostic procedure done as an out patient the month before

after looking at these and doing some calculations based on what I do know, the bills will probably be in the $4000 to $5000 range

at the amount that I can AFFORD to pay on a monthly basis, that figures to be something that will take several years to pay off --- if the various places that have billed are willing to work it out with me

I'm not hopeful about that

And so the harrassement begins

I got the first phone call yesterday

The one from the business office of the first doctor I went to (that did such a pathetic job with the testing that it all had to be redone).

So here's the conversation:

Office: You know you have a bill of $720.
Me: Yes, and I've been sending you a $10 check monthly.
Office: I see that on the records, but we like to have these amounts paid off within 90 days, or they want us to turn them over to collections.
Me: Well, I'd like that too, but I'm not able to do that (and I'm thinking "you can't get blood out of a turnip!")
Office: Could you just put it on a credit card?
Me: No, I don't even have a credit card.
Office: Could you pay $100 a month.
Me: No, I can't do that, we live on a fixed income and I have other medical bills from just having surgery.
Office: Well, could you manage $25?
Me: Maybe, it depends on what the rest of the bills from the surgery are when they arrive.
Office: Let me send you some paperwork on our financing plans.
Me: Ok

This should be interesting, we'll see what her "paperwork" looks like (oh and just as a side note, for the first procedure I have a $395 bill to the new doctor, and before the insurance pays the little it will pay, the bill for the actual surgery is $3500 just to the doctor)

Even if the Congress does the right thing and actually makes the changes we need, it will not help any for this situation.

Its going to be a long difficult struggle to get all of this paid off --- knowing what I know now I should have just ignored the problem

recovery thoughs

this should probably be subtitled "why I'm not a good patient"

I don't tolerate being told "you can't do that" very well, and I'm very used to being the one that just gets up and does whatever it is that needs doing

in fact, even before the surgery I was very frustrated now and then about not being as strong or as able to do things as I had been even just a few years ago

now that is even worse of course, wondering if this will get better or it's just going to be that way

so the last couple of days I'm sort of struggling -- I don't want just sit, and even though I'm working on projects, I'm having a serious case of "why bother" since there are no shows in the near future to be thinking about, and internet selling has been basically a bust too ----

just trying to be grateful that all of the shows I had applied to and sent money to were willing to refund us because I had a medical reason

wishing I was back in my California friend's kitchen, sharing ideas and learning new painting techniques and not feeling so isolated

now and then it would be good to have a friend that was within easy reach

More about image

along with creating new "clean" graphics for the website, I'm thinking about other places to have my things available for purchase.

For quite a while I have had a store on Etsy, which I am thinking of closing or at least changing the name of so it has the same name as my own website --- just to make things easier for anyone that might be looking for my stuff.

But there are also some new venues out there that I'm thinking might be a good match for my pieces too.

These new places have some things in common with Etsy, but some differences too.

Here are the new places I've discovered so far:

1000 Markets there are both free and fee shops on this site

Art Fire so far I haven't been able to get much information about this site because it keeps crashing my browser --- not a good sign!

Trunkt a juried site that is not accepting any new applications until August 15

So, where should I go? Where will my creations fit best?

things to think about

Figuring out my "image"

One of the things I had thought about doing while I'm recovering from my surgery is redesigning my web site.

I do that from time to time, trying to keep it "fresh" and to add new things to it.

This time, I'm struggling with just what do I want it to look like --- partly because I've changed what I do so much, and partly because I think it's time that all of the studio's online presence had a unified, professional look (scary thought!)

A while back I created this graphic, which I have been using for a while as the banner on the current website.

Along with that main graphic I also created these and a few others to use as "buttons" on the site.

Now I'm trying to come up with a new look that still makes use of all the work that went into creating the graphics.

and I want to figure out a way to put the newest pieces of work on the front page first, no matter what area they're going to end up in eventually.

There are also several new sales venues online that I'm going to be checking out. Etsy just doesn't seem to be doing it for my stuff. Although I admit I've not done much out there lately, and I know you need to be adding stuff more often, I just don't think my stuff is the "style" that Etsy promotes, and I'm not going to start doing stuff that looks like everyone else's style just to sell stuff there.

So, what do I want my "image" to look like? I'm working on it

Stormy weather

We had a bit of a storm yesterday afternoon

For about 15 minutes it was really noisy and the rain and hail just came down like someone had opened the bottom of a dump truck

These pictures show the leaves that were all stuck to the front of the house and the car afterwards (the cottonwood leaves are from the trees across the street!)


this is the little pile of hail still sitting under a bush in our front yard about half an hour after the storm --- we got about half an inch of moisture too

so, my garden took a beating --- the corn, which had not been doing very well anyway because it's just not been like summer here this year (only 2 days over 90 degrees is just not normal), is pretty beat up

This morning the tomatoes are perking up tho', and I think the summer squash and beans survived --- not so sure about the other squash yet ----

weird, weird weather continues this week too --- our high temperatures will be in the 70s for several days --- cooler here than in Alaska

and the final insult? because folks haven't been using as much water on lawns, gardens, etc., this summer, the water company is saying they'll have to raise our rates to make up for lost revenue ----AAAACCCCKKKK!!!!

TV Remote Roulette

This picture makes me think of an old Kay Starr song. Remember The Wheel of Fortune?

The wheel of fortune
Goes spinning around
....
While the wheel is spining, spinning, spinning

It's a good description of how we view TV programs some evenings --- if there is nothing on that we know we want to watch, the DH plays what we refer to as remote roulette ---- just flipping through all 957 channels (ok, probably not actually that many, but there are a lot of channels on cable nowdays!) until we run across something that is not

a)obnoxious (ie reality tv of any sort)

or

b)something we've seen enough times to recite the dialogue along with the actors

Twice in the past week we have won the jack pot (so to speak) as we have come across art classes being televised on the local school district's access channel.

Last week was about painting and explained some techniques that I had recently done on fabric with my friend in California. It was nice to have those reinforced and to see how the same techniques work on another surface.

Last night it was a wonderful program about doing prints --- as in the whole stamp cutting print making process that we have also been doing with fabrics.

It was pretty exciting to see other materials used, but the same techniques that we have used to produce such things as this:

a stamp cut and stamped on fabric that has been embellished with beads, embroidery, markers and applique and is now being quilted










and this stamp which has not yet been embellished






This whole print making process is considered Fine Art by those who know about such things

I'm hoping to catch more of those art lessons at random times

Yup, I can just hear Kay Starr --- spinning, spinning, spinning

wherein my daughter declares I'm a geek

Things at work here:

1. Since I'm having surgery next Friday (July 17) and my sister (the TRAINED nurse) will be here when I come home to help take care of me, she came down yesterday and went to the pre-op doctor's appointment with me.

2. Since today (July 11) is her birthday (Happy Birthday sis!!) I invited her to stay and have dinner with us. And yes there was CAKE!!! (yummy carrot cake with real cream cheese frosting)

3. Since she was going to spend the day, she brought along her laptop and we worked on sharing information on family history.

So when my daughter called, I told her that my sister and I were sitting with our laptops back to back exchanging data on family history (I've been working on this project off and on for almost 30 years, and my sister is trying to catch up!)

My daughter said "Mom, you two are geeks!"

heh, yeah, like she should talk --- this from the child that credits me with helping to teach her to touch type --- when she was in Junior High school we'd sit in the same room and Instant Message to each other

hehe

Love it, and I'm hoping that I'll feel well enough at least part of the time my sister's here after my surgery that we can do some more "geeking"

Just what do other folks mean by "Mixed Media"?

In the past year I have come to realize that the best description of my art work is "Mixed Media".

It defines (at least in my head) the fact that many, many of my pieces incorporate more than one kind of material and more than one technique.

How much more "mixed media" can you get?

So, when I saw a call for members of a women's mixed media art group in our little village, I thought "hey, some folks I could relate to" and sent off an email requesting some information.

Here was the response:

This group is more for "assemblage", collage or digital artists. After reviewing your website, you might want to look into people working in "crafts" as we are not jewelers or fabric artists.

Oy!

Obviously we are still stuck in the "traditional" art definitions.

While I really would like to find a group of artists locally to hobnob with, it's clear this little clique is still stuck in the junior high school era.

I guess I should consider myself lucky that it only took me one email to find out it's not a group I want to go near

geeesh

How to tell things are bad in the economy

Here in our little village, things are bad with the economy.

On the main drag through town there is a restaurant that a couple of years ago was so busy it had expanded twice. When we drove past it yesterday, we discovered it was all boarded up and out of business.

And another example this morning.

Ever since we moved here eight years ago I've done business with the same tire shop. The guys in there actually recognize me when I walk in.

This morning I went over to have them check out the tires, etc., before I head off to California this weekend.

In times past he would have cheerfully done what I asked and we'd have made an appointment for the fall to have a new pair of tires installed ---- the tires on the back of the van are a 40,000 mile tire that have about 25,000 miles on them, and come fall I plan to replace them.

Not this morning. Today his whole push was to sell me a new pair of tires now --- giving me a 33% discount for the tread left on the tires that are on it.

HUH??

If there is still 33% of the tread on the tire, exactly why would I buy brand new ones today??

like I said, the economy is bad here in our little village

and good news again

As I've been saying, one of the things that was almost as scary as the possiblity of bad lab results was the fear of the hospital bill and the whole "how will I ever pay that" issue.

Yesterday I had a meeting with the young man at the hospital that is in charge of "Patient Benefit Access".

Last week, when I was still in a dither about just getting through the procedure, he had given me a list of documents I needed to bring with me: birth certificate, social security card, bank statement, proof of income, mortgage statement, auto registration. Seems they want you to prove who you are and how much income you have and the value of your property. Just like any government program.

Unlike any other time I've applied for any help, however, this time I was told that I can get assistance.

That little procedure they did last week ---- the hospital billing would have been almost $4800.00. With the assistance, the most the billing will be is about $600.00.

And it will also cover part of the cost of the surgery I'll be having in July.

Will wonders never cease?!

I'm glad that a big chunk of it will be taken care of --- I'll still have to figure out how to get the $600.00 paid, but it will be easier than it would have been.

wherein we discuss why it's good to have your doctor's office on your side

Ok, so last week I went and had the procedure done --- the biopsy and all that, which included an outpatient surgery --- for which my pathetic little "health" insurance will pay 80% of the doctor, 25% of the anestheisiologist, but 0% of the hospital

Yesterday, I had my appointment with the doctor. The test results were wonderful --- there is no cancer, just the fibroids (one the size of a lemon) -- oh yes, and the continued (STILL!) unexplained bleeding.

While I was there she told me about a phone call her office got from the hospital billing folks wanting to know why she had scheduled the procedure when the insurance was not going to cover it. The doctor's office informed them in no uncertain terms that this was NOT an elective surgery.

WHAT? Like I did this FOR FUN!!??

So, I still have to have the hysterectomy (and at my age they'll just remove everything), which I will be doing mid-July.

Tomorrow I will be meeting with a fellow at the hospital that specializes in getting financial assistance for bills in cases like mine.

I'm not hopeful that I will qualify for anything, but I'm willing to try anything that might help.

Meantime, I'm trying not to have absolute panic attacks over just how big that hospital bill is going to be.

The mighty hunter?

Last week when we trimmed the pine tree at the back of the yard we heard the fussing and carrying on of the robins in the higher reaches of the tree.

Seems we have a pair of robins that have appropriated some real estate up there and had some baby robins.

Yesterday morning, the DH let the dog out.

She went tearing across the yard and literally swatted one of the baby robins out of the air as it took a test flight.

He called her in, and the mama robin was right there on the spot.

But later in the afternoon, as we prepared to mow the lawn, we found the little body.

The dog kept going back to the spot, trying to find it again after I picked it up.

At least I didn't have to do what my son-in-law has had to do several times with squirells and their dog. It seems their dog will catch and maim a squirell, then he has to go out and finish it off. They keep a crochet mallet at the ready for this activity. The whole idea gives me the whillies.

Ok, so the house wrens are starting to take exploratory flights --- I think I'll keep the dog in the house --- she just doesn't understand how strong she is.

Waiting to Exhale

What a weird week this has been

Let me begin by saying that I still don't have any results from the biopsy yet ---

should I think that no news is good news?

or should I think that the doctor doesn't want to tell me bad news on the phone?

or is it just that the lab hasn't gotten back to her yet?

And there is this strangeness of good news heaped over the possibility of bad news that has me walking into walls

Yesterday I was notified that both of the beaded pieces I entered in a big contest made the first cut from my photographs and the pieces themselves now go off for the second part of the competition.

This morning in my in box of emails were two other interesting things: an invitation from a Colorado art work agency to submit some of my work for inclusion in their online gallery and a request from a web gallery on art to be interviewed and included in their site.

I'm a little freaked out by the whole timing thing

The sceptical side of me instantly thinks of a lyric from the Tim Rice/Elton John version of Aida --
Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time
Is this God's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

I'm trying to tell myself that these are the rewards for hard work and consistently trying to put my work out there to get recognized (and hopefully be able to reach a bigger audience)

And I'll also say I'm a little freaked out by the idea of actually succeeding

ok, I think the timing is strange

I'm still a little afraid

and grateful

Thoughts on Blogging

Over at Travelin Oma Marty's been talking about her recurrent bouts of paranoid soul-searching.

Frankly, I'm happy to hear that someone besides me has those!!

So, Marty posted a list of questions about blogging, which I thought was pretty interesting, here are my answers:

What kind of blogs do you like to read? (Infomercial, daily diary, advice, photography, pour-your-heart-out, sarcastic, rants, upbeat . . .) all of those plus any art projects, quilt projects, politics --- basically I'm an eclectic reader

Do you go back and read comments on somebody's post after you've already commented? yes, because I like to see what other people think of what the blogger said and maybe what I've commented

If someone asks a question in a comment, how do you answer them? (In a follow-up comment on your blog, in a follow-up post, in an email . . .) either in a follow up comment or another entire post, only rarely on email

When you link to another blog, do you email that blogger to let them know? usually I post a comment on the post that prompted the link (I'll be commenting on Marty's as soon as I finish this)

If you comment on a blog, and you get no response, do you stop reading that blog? No, but I may wonder why

How do you think of blogging? (Hobby, addiction, learning experience, waste of time . . .) everything but a waste of time, one of my main ways to reach out to the world beyond the little "village" I live in, a way that I record what I'm doing and thinking a sort of electronic diary

Do you feel funny talking about your posts in real life to a reader? No -- doesn't everyone do this?

Do you feel embarrassed or complimented if someone refers to what you've said? complimented, it sort of validates what I've said

If you could read your great-grandmother's experiences on a blog, would you? would that she had even left anything written for me to see!

How do you think reading blogs has helped you? allowing me to see that the more we learn about each other the more we have in common across all of our differences

Do you spend more time reading blogs or writing posts? about the same, my posts are sort of "stream of thought"

Do you comment on blogs you read? Why, or why not? Absolutely, and I always hope that someone will comment on mine, otherwise how do I know anyone is reading?

Thanks Marty, for giving me something to think about today.

To my other readers: want to play along? What do you think about those questions?

Wherein I remember why I was happy to go through "the change"

Ok, so today is the day when I'm going in to have the biopsy done to see what's really going on.

Now days you don't go into the hospital the night before so the nurses (who know what to expect from the various procedures) help you though the whole "getting ready" thing.

Nope, they give you a couple of little plastic baggies at your "pre-op" appointment and you're on your own. (Which makes me wonder how someone that has difficulties with reading and following instructions ever gets through this.)

So, last night I started with the first little baggie which involved taking not one shower, but two. One last night with this "soap"(?) --- and I'll get to do that step again this morning --- as soon as I finish with my morning computer time.

And then at bedtime, baggie number 2, inserting 4 little tablets. See when you go through menopause, the cervix closes up really, really tight, and to do the biopsy, it needs to relax, so these little tablets are supposed to take care of that.

Oh yeah, they neglicted to tell me that it would be like having a full blown period again, complete with cramps. And it pretty much freaked me out when I got up in the middle of the night and there was a lot more blood than I expected.

I can't tell you how glad I'll be to get this procedure over today so I can (maybe) not think about the whole thing for a couple of days ---

or not

geesh

Garden's all in

now that the last of the garden is in (we planted corn in that corner yesterday), we've installed a little fencing

our labrador likes to go and lay on the soft cool dirt after we water, which is not a good thing for the little plants

and I'm really afraid she will do the same thing my daughter's dogs are doing to her corn plants --- eat them as they come up because they taste so good to doggies

it was warm and humid (a rare thing here) as we planted the corn yesterday afternoon

this morning its cold, windy and rainy (wind chill was around 32 degrees this morning --- on the first of JUNE!)

the moisture should be good for the seeds tho', and we're supposed to be back up in the 80's by the weekend

Getting answers?

If you have been reading here for a long time you may remember my talking about struggling with finding where I belong in the whole scheme of being religious.

It's not that I'm an atheist or even an agnostic. I was raised with Christian values. I have been a member of several churches.

No, the struggle has been with squaring up what other people say (ie: "God talks to me and tells me what to do") with my own personal experience of these things.

It has never seemed that simple -- would that it were!

In fact, I have felt for some time that whatever it was I was asking for must not have been the right thing because there either seemed to be no answer or the answer was no.

This week has been odd.

I'm struggling with the medical issues and the big scare factor involved there and the stresses of minimal health insurance and the worries about how I will ever pay all of the bills that will follow.

And I'm not good about asking for help --- physically or emotionally. My life experience has been that I'm the one that must deal with it, and I better just "buck up" and deal.

So, there have been several really odd experiences this week.

For one thing, when my husband had his doctor's appointment on Friday, he talked to her about my issues, and when we were leaving she took my hand and said "it's going to be okay".

A couple of days ago I got an email from a cousin that I have not heard from for about 10 years, full of encouragement and newsy updates on her life --- and I'm not even sure how she got my email address.

Then when someone I have known only a short time found out what was going on she offered to bring us a meal when I need it, and her husband will come and give me a blessing before I have the Wednesday procedure done.

And yesterday I opened my mail box to find a letter from a friend that I have known for 26 years and we are admittedly bad at corresponding except at Christmas, but there it was, a 3 page letter.

Ok.

I'm up for admitting that maybe I just haven't been aware enough before to see the answers.

A while back I asked all of you to say a prayer for me. It seems you've all been doing that, because I'm being surrounded with support and love.

Thank you --- and could you please continue to do so? Even if I get good news after the biopsy, there will still be those pesky medical bills to deal with.

Thanks again to you all.

An update and a diversional rant

Accept in advance my apologies for the rant that follows!

So, I went to the doctors office yesterday and they re-did the ultra sound exam and discovered that there is not one small fibroid, but there are two of them and one of them is about the size of a lime --- all of which translates into "you're going to have to have surgery"

Next Wednesday they will do a proper biopsy -- as in under anesthesia so they can actually get enough tissue to do the biopsy.

And you're thinking, why are they doing that if you already know you'll have to have surgery? Basically to find out if this is just a "simple" surgery that my gyn can do or if there is something more sinister that will require a specialist.

Oh yes, and that insurance that's costing me $250 a month? That's going to pay for 80% of the doctor, 25% of the anesthesia and NOTHING on the hospital itself -- and that's just for the biopsy.

At this point I can't even think about the next surgery and what it's going to cost.

I've been saying for a while here that I wasn't allowed to need anything more than minimal health care for another 7 years when I'll be eligible for Medicare. Turns out I was right in saying I couldn't afford to need it.

The insurance coordinator at the doctor's office gave me all the forms to apply for Medicaid, so this morning I went to the online questionaire to determine eligibility for any benefit in the state.

The only thing I'm eligible for is a reduced rate on a pass into the National Parks (and can I tell you just how THRILLED I am about that!?)

Add to this whole mix the fact that even though I FINALLY got juried into the fine arts area of a show that I've wanted to do for the past 5 years, I'm probably not going to get to do both the show and make the trip to California for my friend's birthday ---- there aren't enough weeks in between to have a surgery and 6 weeks to recover.

oh yeah, it's going to be just a great summer --- or not

In the Garden

Things that we planted a while back are growing!

The little sprouts in the right hand picture are carrots

The other picture is either beets or swiss chard -- we planted both, and while I know which row is which in the garden, in the picture it's impossible to tell which this is since they look just alike at this point

Looks like before long it will be time to thin!

We put in tomatoes

Lots of tomatoes -- about 20 little plants, some of them that we got at the store and some heritage ones that I started from seed

With any luck we'll have tomatoes to eat and tomatoes to can and tomatoes to give to Second Harvest


In a double row along the fence behind the tomato baskets I planted these

These are not the seeds I originally intended to put there, but the ones that I started in pots indoors did not survive the transplanting, so we're trying again.

These can get to be very, VERY, tall plants, so I figured I can tie them to the fence if I need to

We hope to get sunflower seeds to share with our daughter (she has a bird that gets them as a treat sometimes)

See the string on the fence?

That is my bean lattice.

I know some folks prefer to plant bush beans, but I just don't like having to crawl around on the ground to pick them. So I've always tried to grow climbers and run them up some kind of support system.

Since we're planting all along the back fence this year, beans seemed like the right thing to put against it.

We planted yellow wax and green beans, and I only used about half of the seeds. I may run a similar lattice along the side fence and plant beans there too.

(and if all of these do well I'll be learning how to freeze them and maybe pickle them too)

We still have peppers and eggplant and cucumber plants to put in, and squash and corn seeds to plant, but when we got this much done it started raining on us, so we decided to go in the house. Maybe late today we'll be able to get back to it.

Gardening makes me think of my Mammy and Pappy (my mother's parents). When I was a child they had a huge garden. I can remember a lot of summers when a lot of what we ate came out of that garden. One of my favorite pictures of Pappy in his later years was taken of him standing in the corn in his garden.

Mammy was big on poetry. I can remember her quoting it for every occassion (maybe where I got my love for words --- especially the lyrics of meaningful songs). The garden poem (as I thought of it) was "you're nearer to God in the garden than anyplace else on earth". I know now that it was a misquote, but it is still dear to my heart and really is close to what the poet meant.

Just to set the record straight, here's the full poem with the poet's credit and the oft misquoted stanza highlighted. (I have to think somewhere Mammy is smiling about this!)


God's Garden

The Lord God planted a garden
In the first white days of the world,
And He set there an angel warden
In a garment of light enfurled.

So near to the peace of Heaven,
That the hawk might nest with the wren,
For there in the cool of the even
God walked with the first of men.

And I dream that these garden-closes
With their shade and their sun-flecked sod
And their lilies and bowers of roses,
Were laid by the hand of God.

The kiss of the sun for pardon,
The song of the birds for mirth,--
One is nearer God's heart in a garden
Than anywhere else on earth.

For He broke it for us in a garden
Under the olive-trees
Where the angel of strength was the warden
And the soul of the world found ease.

Dorothy Frances Gurney

Memorial Day

This handsome sailor is my dad

He is a veteran of World War II

He went into the Navy before he finished high school

When my daughter was in college, her major was History, with a specialty in the WWII era.

She kept a copy of this picture in a frame. A lot of her friends wanted to know if they could get introduced to the cute guy.

How cool is that?

A few years ago we took my folks with us to do an art show in Springfield, MO. My dad was sitting in our booth, wearing his WWII Vet baseball cap.

A couple of young men were walking down the street and stopped to talk with him, thanking him for his service.

I can't speak for my dad, but for me just to hear that exchange was an amazing experience.

Just an individual part of what Tom Brokaw calls The Greatest Generation

Bad Neighbors

we have new neighbors down in the cul de sac from our house

I am not thrilled

this is the site that greeted me when I went out to get the newspaper this morning

he's got furniture and boxes on the porch like someone getting evicted -- wood all piled up on the grass --broken down pickup in the driveway -- tools all over the place ---

It looks awful

I'm thinking of sending a copy of this photo to the people that own the house --- and live in another state. They were always such nice neighbors, kept the yard up so nice.

This guy's turning it into a mess --- I hate to think what he's doing inside where no one can see!

the beets go on

see 'em?

The tiny little red and green leaves poking out of the dirt

that is my beet crop!

there are lots and lots of these little gems

and the ground is starting to crack along the line where we planted chard

and I spotted one little carrot sprout

YEAH!!!!

next week we'll be putting in the wax beans and some other stuff ---- neat

oh yeah, that head line? from an old Sonny and Cher song

"...The beat goes on, the beat goes on. Drums keep pounding a rhythm to the brain. La de da de dee, la de da de da..."

ok, so now I'm off for 3 days to do an art show (particulars here if you want to come and visit!)

working in the fog

woke up this morning and I could swear we must have slept through the summer and we're somehow back in winter again

or maybe it's just that I'm feeling like summer will never get here! (or even spring!!)

After another weekend of cool grayness, this morning it's foggy again --- bleah!

Of course the next weekend is supposedly going to be the first nice weekend we've had in ages, which I hope means there will be people at the art show we'll be doing (the first one of the summer --- meaning tents to be put up and dealing with whatever the weather is for three days)


So just excuse me while I wander off mumbling.......

Happy Mother's Day!

Isn't my kid sweet ---- such a cute card!

Well, we have this mutual admiration society thing going on --- I'm one of her biggest fans and she's one of mine.

Hope all of you mom's have a great day!

and all of you women that are not mom's, it's your day too for the example you set for the children of others.

Enjoy!

Rant Redux

So, I got to see the new doctor yesterday.

Now I guess I know why the other doctor's office was so reluctant to return phone calls or talk to me about anything.

Seems the two tests that they did were so poorly done that I'm basically back to square one!

The doctor failed (after TWO attempts in the office) to get enough tissue to do a proper biopsy. This was a painful "digging around" procedure, done totally without any kind of prep on my part (physical or mental).

And the ultrasound technician was so inept that they even failed to get a picture of one of the ovaries --- don't you think they would have noticed while they were doing it!?

The fact that these procedures were painful and in the case of the ultrasound, humiliating because of the way it was handled, I am not happy that the hack job shop masquerading as a medical facility that performed them will get any money from my insurance company.

In fact, I have decided to write a letter of protest to them and copy our state medical board.

So, yesterday, the new doctor, with copies of the reports in hand (such as they were) walked me through what they said --- and didn't say. She explained what she would be looking for and why it was important to check things out (for instance, one of the things that can cause the post menopausal bleeding is cancer, or something that can turn into cancer, in which case we want to deal with it pronto).

She spent an entire HOUR answering my questions, reasurring me and yes, drawing pictures!!

The end result of this appointment is that in a couple of weeks I'll go back to her office and they will redo the ultra sound --- right there in the office, with a female technician that has been doing this for 20 years and only does ultra sounds on WOMEN ---- I'm guessing she'll know there should be two ovaries in the pictures. At the end of the appointment for the ultra sound, I'll see the doctor --- yes, ON THE SAME DAY! and she'll explain what the pictures from the ultra sound show -- and let me see them.

Then, in the first week of June she'll do a procedure that will take a look inside and remove any polyps, etc. and a proper tissue sample will be sent to the lab (which I will know the results of within 48 hours --- from the doctor, not some office clerk!)

And where will this be done? Not in the office. In the hospital as an outpatient procedure. After I've had time to get a couple of medications that I take daily out of my system so they don't interfere with the test or put me at risk of excessive bleeding. And who will do it? The doctor herself --- no passing me off to yet another butcher for his share of the monetary pie ---

I'm still a little nervous about the whole issue, but reassured that even if the lab results come back with something unpleasant, it's something fixable.

I slept better last night than I had in a while

Ok, now it's time to go write that letter!

An update --- sort of -- and a rant

Back the end of April I posted here about the medical issues I've been having.

I can report that after repeated phone calls regarding results, questions, etc., I have decided to take my medical records to a different doctor --- the whole trust issue with something this important just can't be handled any other way (to my mind, anyway)

So, today I get to go do battle with the office to get my medical records send to the new office, and tomorrow afternoon I get to talk with the new (highly recommended by the women in the office of my general practice doctor) gyn.

Hopefully we can get to the bottom of this issue --- hopefully the answer won't involve something that messes up my whole schedule of shows for the summer.

Meantime, I've been mumbling for a while about artistic competitions.

Be it performance art or the sort of art I do, there seems to be a thread of commonality --- if you've already done something, you get to do more --- if you've never gotten to do something, it's almost impossible to get to do it.

Take beadwork competitions for example. Everybody in the beading world knows the names Sherry Serafini or Heidi Kummli or Margie Deeb. So if you enter a competition and they're in it too, you can just about bet that one of them is going to win.

And in performance art there is the same issue --- if you've already had a lead part in something and the people holding the audition know you or know your teacher you're a sure bet.

So my question for the day is: how do you get known if no one will give you a chance?

just sayin'

Gardening progress

This little item is an instrument of torture!

It's a dandelion digger --- a brand shiny new one --- or at least it was all shiny before I spent some considerable time working in the back yard yesterday.

The neighbor up the street evidently thinks that yards are SUPPOSED to be covered with fuzzy yellow flowers, which means the seeds are "blowin' in the wind" all over the neighborhood.

This is NOT, however, my ideal lawn, and while chemicals may seem like the way to go, they are price-y (remember, we're in the post squirell budget month), and I'm not real wild about what they do to the environment.

So --- diggers up --- and away we go

I pretty much filled up a 5 gallon bucket with what I dug up


Yesterday's work outdoors also included planting the "low crops" section of the garden.

The tilling had been completed last week, so the soil was all prepared to receive the carrots and beets and swiss chard seeds.

I had not planted any of these things from seed before. Carrot seeds are teeny, tiny, tiny little seeds and there were bunches of them in the packet (which is packaged by weight).

Beet and chard seeds both look like little goat's head thistles, only not so prickly.

So now we're on "growth patrol" --- by about next Wednesday there should be some sign of green things (other than weeds!) growing out there --- Yippee!

The sunflower seeds that we had started in the little pots got planted too, now the trick is to keep the labrador off them until they get tall enough for her to realize they are there.

I can tell you that a winter of working at the computer and in the studio did not put me in shape for all that stoop labor, however. I have some sore muscles in places that surprised me, and going upstairs is a bit painful (ouch, oooch, ow!)

The squash and pumpkins need to be moved into larger pots, so I'll probably be working on that today (it's too early to put those in the ground here, just yet).

Onward and upward!!

An unusual request

During the time that I've been blogging I've ask folks to pray for my dad and my mom and my husband and my daugher. I've added my prayers to those of others in the blog world for like causes.

Certainly I never thought I'd been asking for myself.

Since I'm taking this (what seems to me, drastic) step, I feel I should explain.

As a woman of "that age", I had gone through "the change" almost 5 years ago.

I'm the only woman of my family to do this "the old fashioned way" as every other female member of the clan had done this with surgery at some point in their lives (before they got to the age I am), so certainly I have no guide book here (Ok, I guess I'm writing one for my daughter!)

However, about a month ago, I began having episodes of bleeding again.

A trip to the doctor revealed a normal pap smear, and a biopsy done in the office showed "nothing remarkable" (really, that was the comment on the lab result!).

The ultra sound (a whole other experience to be ranted about another time) revealed that I have a small fibroid tumor which is "not of concern" and supposedly is not the cause of the bleeding.

Now the doctor wants to do a D&C, which my reading tells me is not really helpful to treat post menopausal bleeding.

Part of my issue here is that I don't have a really trusting relationship with this doctor --- it's okay in terms of being able to go for that yearly exam, but I'm feeling really out here by myself just now.

I'm really not good at asking for help for anything, even when (in looking back) I should, but this thing, frankly, scares me.

So if you all could say a little word for me to have understanding and guidance and make proper choices, I'd really appreciate it.

Thanks to you all.

Squirells final destiny and screen doors

Yesterday, after 3 days of there being no more squirells in the traps, the pest control guy came and made the roof repair.

The traps have been removed from the roof, the sturdy double layer of hardware cloth (which is really heavy wire screening) has been installed to keep any future squirells from moving in.

This residence has been officially "Red Tagged" for squirell habitation!!

The picture here is of Douglas County, the county to the North of us, which is where the pest control guy took those squirells and dropped them off ---- in a much ritzier zip code!!

Yippee!!

And today was the day of the screen door repair.

Last week, on one of the warm days, I went out onto the patio, leaving the glass door open and closing the screen.

The big black lab that lives here didn't see me go, and when she realized I was out and she was in, she came running.

I'm impressed that 80 pounds of lab hitting the screen did not tear the screen --- but it did pop the door off the tracks entirely and sent it flying.

But then we couldn't get it back onto the rails. I called the company that installed it -- after all, it's supposed to be guaranteed.

They came this morning and put it back on the rails --- and repaired the latch so it works again.

All at no charge (which was great after I wrote that $500.00 check to the pest control guy!!)

ok, I'm hoping now that we are done with house issues for a while and can get back to something resembling normal!!

Further Squirell Control

When we arrived home yesterday afternoon, there was a fox in the front yard of the house next door having squirell for lunch (raw on the half shell, no doubt)

mmmmmmm, tasty!

I don't think the pest control company arranged for this, it's just the natural progression of the food chain

The report from the pest control company is that so far they have trapped 3 adult squirells and 4 juveniles --- yeah team!!!

It was cool and rainy here too from the time we got home, and I haven't heard any chasing in the ceiling, so I think we're getting close to having the problem solved.

squirell update and gardening in process

As we discussed earlier, the squirells are being evicted.

There are two of these humane traps on the roof, and the pest control guy comes by once or twice a day to take the occupants.

I've seen 4 squirells in the traps.

Sorry guys, we just can't have you chewing on the drywall and the rafters and the electrical wiring!! (I hear that they will literally chew right through the drywall into the living areas, and we're all for wild life, just not sharing our living space!!)

The garden is growing!!

Those really tall little seedlings are sunflowers, and we'll be putting them in the ground next week.

Meantime, this weekend we're off to build a deck (or at least the foundation and frame for one) with our daughter

Updates on that project next week!!

aside from that, Mrs. Lincoln....

Before you say "isn't he cute", let me tell you, we are not amused

"Why?" you ask

Because it's going to cost us a hefty sum to get these "cuties" out of our rafters.

Last weekend during the heavy wet snow storm we could hear scurrying in the ceiling. Since there has been a lot of construction going on in the back field, we suspected the local field mice had come looking for a nice dry home.

Then we saw several juvenile squirells sitting on the edge of the roof.

Enough! I called the local pest control guy.

Seems that even though the house is sided with vinyl, which they can not climb, they can climb brick, and the found a place right where the house and the garage meet to burrow under the roof shingle and chew their way in.

The pest control guy was here at 7:30 a.m. By 8:00 he had set the traps and left. He'll be back every day to check the traps. I don't even have to be here when he does.

It will take about 10 days of trap minding to make sure all of them are out. Then he'll repair the spot so they can't get back in --- there at least. He guarantees his work. He'd better, it's costing us $500!

On the up side, a major remodel inside if we don't get rid of them (not to mention the whole health issue) would be much more costly.

Guess we'll be eating a lot of chicken wings and beans this month.

And while this is upsetting, I'm brought straight to the fact that things could be a lot worse. Yesterday while I was reading one of the blogs I visit at least once a week, I learned that Kay of Mason Dixon Knitting lost her husband on Saturday. I'm stunned and saddened --- she has young children.

All this reminds me of something my grandmother had posted above her desk --- "I used to complain because I had no shoes, until I met a man that had no feet"

We're praying for Kay and her family.

Britian's Talent Wows Us Again

Let me begin by saying I do not watch American Idol

I do not like the whole "phoniness" of it, or the way the "judges" brutalize and publicly humiliate the contestants


I can't speak to how that's done on the whole on the "Britian's Got Talent" show, because the only clips of it I have ever watched are the ones where the singers are great (remember Paul Potts?)

Anyway, the latest "phenom" is a 47 year old unemployed single woman singing "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Misérables. If you haven't heard this clip yet, you can access it here.

Listen closely to her sing --- listen to the lyric

(see Simon get knocked out of his chair!)

I hope she wins it all!!

Tuesday Afternoon

There's this commercial has been making me nuts the whole time it's been playing.

It's for VISA and it want's you to use your VISA card to take your daughter to the aquarium on a (what else) Tuesday afternoon.

[If you haven't seen the ad on TV, you can see it here]

In fact, it wasn't until I was talking to my sister about the affect this thing has had on me that she did the "google" thing and told me what the thing was for.

So what's the deal, you ask?

It's the MUSIC!!!

The song is a 1967 piece by The Moody Blues.

I first became acquainted with the group when I was in high school, and a very close friend gave me the album this piece of music is on (it's called Days of Future Passed). I love the Moody Blues, I have many, many of their albums (on VINYL!!)

The problem?

I've lost track of the friend that gave me the album. The last time I saw her was in the 1970s, after which she and her husband split up, I think she married again, but I haven't been able to find either of them or her boys. It's frustrating.

And I'm wondering, every time they run that commercial, if somewhere she's seeing it and wondering where I am too.

Where are you Cathy?

Happy Easter!

The weather here in my little corner of the world is raining -- we're glad to have the moisture

Just thought I'd share this photo of a beaded piece I did a couple of years ago --- the Easter Lily is on one side --- the other side has the cyrillic letters for "Christ Is Risen"

Have a Happy Easter!

Loosing it

Recently a comment on this blog reminded me that getting older isn't for sissies.

There was a time in my life that if you asked me where something that I owned was that I could tell you in such detail that you could walk right to it.

I can't do that any more

Maybe it's the aging process

or the fact that we've moved so many times

or maybe we just have too much stuff

So, what's the potato peeler about?

Well, I usually don't do a lot of the cooking here in our little hut --- the DH is ever so much better at it, and since I take care of keeping the kitchen clean and doing the laundry and keeping track of the dog (for the most part), the cooking is his normal "chore".

Except about 3 weeks ago he had a little accident with the circular saw and tore up a finger on his left hand and I've been trying to keep us alive with my feeble cooking skills ever since (I did get a "reprieve" when my daughter and her husband came to visit for a weekend and HE did some cooking for me).

Anyway, the other night we wanted to do mashed potatoes.

We have a couple of those other style potato peelers, but I really don't like them and several years ago I bought a really nice OXO peeler.

Trouble was, I can't find it.

I emptied all three of the "gadget" drawers in the kitchen. The DH even emptied the one we used to always keep my peeler in.

I looked through all the crocks of gadgets on the counter.

The peeler has gone AWOL

Let me tell you the frustration level was intense

Amid much grumbling, I used the old metal one so we could have dinner.

Yesterday I bought the pictured "replacement" --- it's not as nice as the OXO one was, but it's better than the metal one and it only cost $1.50.

Now I suppose I should tie a string to it and hang it around my neck

or I'll put it in the drawer and the other one will suddenly reappear

Yup, getting older is definately not for sissies

Why it's hard to make a living as an artist

This picture was in the USA Today yesterday

It's a collar style necklace. They were talking about the great "look" this is.

I like that part --- get people excited about the kind of art jewelry that I make

Except for one little thing

This piece is being made somewhere out of the U.S. (by someone that will work for a nickle an hour) and they are selling it for $48.00!!!!

Any piece that I make with my own two little hands (or as I tell folks some days "THESE TEN FINGERS!") that is anywhere near this size has probably got $48.00 worth of materials in it, not to mention the hours and hours it takes me to create it.

just sayin'