What do I believe

Yesterday morning I was listening to the mass from Notre Dame and in the homily I heard this: “We want belong somewhere. We want to make sense of our lives; we want to draw closer to God.”

It occurred to me that I have been on this little “journey” of questioning for a while here, trying to find that sense of belonging.

If such a thing can be said, I am a religion mutt. Let me explain what I mean by that. When I was a child, my parents didn’t go to church. My dad had been raised by a very “my way or no way” Baptist minister father and my mother’s parents were faithful church going people. Perhaps in rebellion, my parents never went, someday I would love to know what kind of conversation went on between them about this subject, because I know they met in church, but by the time I came around, they had quit going.

I used to spend a lot of my weekends with my mother’s parents (actually a lot of my young childhood was spent with them, I don’t really remember my folks except in a couple of painful incidents until after I was 5).

My grandmother took me to the Baptist Church with her. I learned scripture verses (whole chapters sometimes, like I Corinthians 13 – and I still like the beauty of the King James version), I like the singing part of church too, both of my grandparents sang in the choir. Baptists don’t have an arbitrary time when children are baptized, you have to “feel the call” of the Lord and “go forward”, thus making a public declaration that you want to become part of the body of the church. I did that when I was about 10, and a few weeks later on a Sunday evening I was baptized and became a member of the church – my parents didn’t show up for the occasion. One of the strongest memories I have of that event was getting to choose the hymn that was used, and the feeling of the power of the music and the lyric to speak my feelings about it.

The problem with the situation was that I was only part of the church on weekends….we lived clear across town, and I certainly wasn’t getting any encouragement at home for this activity.

A kid can only fight the tide so long, so by the time I hit high school, I was deemed old enough to be home alone (and take care of my little sister too), so there were no more weekends with grandma, and I just quit thinking about the church pretty much.

Sometime in my teens, I had a long conversation with a Catholic friend (I was intrigued by the rituals), and she gave me a pearl rosary that had been her grandmother’s (it is still a treasured possession).

And so it was until I was in my thirties. Along the way I read about reincarnation and Rosicrucians and Edgar Cayce. I took classes in college in comparative religions.

In my early thirties I met a couple of Mormon missionaries. I was at a particularly vulnerable point in my life, and I desperately needed to belong to something that gave me some sense of having a safety net. So, I joined them. But eventually, I drifted away.

And most recently, I became a member of the Catholic church, but at this point I can’t really say I’m a practicing Catholic either.

Part of this reluctance is that actually going to a church service is full of land mines that I just would rather not deal with.

So, having said all that, I have begun to think about actually stating what it is I believe in.

1. I believe in a loving Father God. I believe that He created the earth and all that is on it, but I have no issue with science’s theories about how He did that – He is God and can do these things in any way He sees fit.

2. I believe that Jesus is the Christ. I believe that he was born to The Virgin Mary and that he died on Calvary to save the world. I believe that His act of salvation extends to every person that ever has or ever will walk on this earth.

3. I believe in the Holy Spirit, the third part of the Trinity, the messenger “voice” of God that can speak to and guide every one that will listen. I believe in these three as separate “bodies” of the same mind, that they act in concert for the betterment of every individual.

4. I believe in grace. Every person that ever walked on this earth, except Jesus Christ has sinned. I believe that is part of our nature. I believe that we are all sinners, and that sin can not enter Heaven. I believe that we are each responsible for our own sin, but I do not believe that we are responsible for any one else’s. We can not “save” ourselves. We are expected to do the best that we can and we are “saved” by the grace of God through Christ’s sacrifice for us after all that we can do.

5. I believe that beauty is one of the things that lead us to God. I see the creation of art, especially art on a spiritual theme, as prayer.

6. I believe that we were allowed to be here so we could learn new things. I do not believe we are meant to spend our whole lives suffering. I do not believe that a loving Father God wants us to always be miserable any more than I as a parent want my child to always be unhappy. I believe that through our own bad choices we will sometimes suffer. I also believe that sometimes bad things happen to us with out our doing something wrong. It is at those times that I personally have the most trouble accepting and dealing with them, and it is then that I have the biggest problem not blaming myself for them.

So there is a beginning. Now the question is “where do I belong”?

Its a love/hate relationship.....

I love going to Nevada City for our annual bear show.

Even when its not a good show financially, I love seeing the people there that I only get to see once a year.

I love the wonderful old (over 100 years!) building the show is in.

I love getting to have some time after the show to visit with my artist friend in San Jose.

I love walking down the street in the town I lived in and eating lunch at the little restaurant, sitting outdoors (in April!) at the quaint little metal tables, actually having a friendly conversation with strangers.

Thing is, it also means I hate to come home. After all these years, it finally dawned on me (ok, I'm SLOOOOOOWWWWW!) why have seem to have this "funk" that sets in for a few days when I return.

Aside from the "I've traveled for 2 days and I'm tired" thing, I come home to the ordinary, mundane things that eat up our lives....laundry and grocery shopping and paperwork (ie: paying the bills).

That walking down the street for coffee and talking to people and writing at the table and sharing art with friends is the life I want to live. Unfortunately, it seems I'm sort of stuck with laundry and snow (yes, its snowing here AGAIN!) and isolation.

Yes folks, it reminds me of a lyric from a Broadway show that only ran one night: "...another life, I want another life.....and every where I ever go, I'm someone who they want to know..."

on "classic" education.....and not being intimidated

I've been reading a book titled Starting from Scratch by Rita Mae Brown. She has some very strong ideas about what you need to do to be a writer. Last night I decided that she's entitled to her opinion, but not everything she says is required.

She is a strong proponent of the idea that you need to have a college degree (preferably 2 or 3) and be able to read in Latin (required) and a couple of "modern" languages (French, Spanish) to be able to write anything worth while.

Here’s what I have to say to Ms. Brown: ”Pfffffffsssssst!”

I went to public schools. In fact, I attended what was at the time the largest elementary school in the state. This was in the 1950s in the suburbs. We were “taught” to read with “See Jane Run”. I’m convinced it was good my grandmother had already taught me to read—I was bored out of my mind by the end of the first week.

My husband, on the other hand, attended Catholic school (ok, he’s 13 years older too, and a lot can go down hill in that long) – and he got a “Classic” education. He’s read philosophy and classic literature. (He and my daughter discuss Dunne and Kant---she has a college degree)

So, as I was saying, I went to public schools, I never had the opportunity to go to a 4 year college….there’s a huge gap in my “classical” reading, but I can recite from memory parts of Robert Lewis Stevenson and Longfellow’s Hiawatha. My grandmother was an educated woman (a woman born in the 1890s who went to college!), she loved poetry, she recited it to me.

I much prefer Julia Cameron’s idea …. We have the RIGHT to WRITE. We live in this language (and help it to grow).

Again I say ”Pfffffffsssssst!” I’m going to keep on writing!

Christ is Risen!

Happy Easter!

While the weather here looks more like Christmas than Easter, we are thankful for the promise of spring and of new life that come with Easter.

Christ is Risen!

He is Risen indeed!

thinking about endings and beginnings.....

As I write this, we're not sure if we will be leaving for California earlier than originally scheduled next week.

We will be doing a show there next weekend, but I've gotten word that my uncle (who is 96 years old!) probably will be gone by Easter.

I have some wonderful memories of this man, and I was pleased to actually get to spend some time with him after I was an adult and learned to appreciate him as a person, not just a relative. I feel especially glad that when we did our show last year at this time we got to spend a day with he and my aunt and enjoy their company.

My aunt (who is my dad's sister) is 13 years younger than he, and has talked to me several times about the idea that she fully expected at some time to be alone. Even so, I know it will be hard for her, and a big adjustment. I feel a sort of special connection to this woman for reasons other than that she is my aunt.

So, my uncle has lived a good life. And now he's going home. What an interesting time of the year for the ending of his life here, but of course it is just the beginning.

feeding the obsession

This lovely arrived in my mail box yesterday afternoon....a birthday gift from my daughter.....its so nice to have a daughter that is your friend!

This book contains 366 off the wall, whacky creative exercises to flex the brain, especially a brain that is stuck in writer's block!

Such a great gift!!

I've been spending my writing time each morning in a sort of brain dump exercise, (babbling about memories, places, odd people at the store) this week. I'm still having a hard time creating the bio for the Civil War era character, its difficult making a real sounding character when your fact sheet is just a list of dates and places. I think I'll get it eventually!

....back to work!

on being a year older

actually I don't feel any older than I did yesterday, there's something that happens along the way with age....I'm only one day older than I was yesterday, even tho' I now will write down a different number

I've been working this past week on trying to actually get some research done for an idea that's been perking for a long time. For years I've had this little notebook with ideas and descriptions and timelines in it for this idea. The notebook is one of those smaller, non-spiral ones that usually have a mottled black and white cover, only this one is pink. Right now I don't know where it is.....I've finally started seriously working on this and true to form, I've lost the notebook.

After a bit of searching I've decided to just forge ahead. I know I'll find the thing and meantime there are a lot of ideas floating in my head that I'm trying to get down on paper (ok, into a Word file!)

The obvious main character for this thing is a man, and I just can't seem to get into the idea of writing it from his point of view, so I'm working on ideas to write it from his wife's point of view instead....

and so it goes.....

I've been thinking about a lot of other things too this week. As we are approaching Easter, last night I was watching the Reconciliation Service from Rome. Part of the service was about asking for forgiveness for those 7 Deadly Sins....it set me to thinking about one in particular -- Pride

Which led me to this question: how do we achieve humility without beating ourselves up? Isn't there a difference between boasting and simply acknowledging the compliment given?

For as long as I can remember I have had the desire to be the best at something and have everyone know it. I never before thought of that as sin. An interesting thing to contemplate.

finding a life, part II

WARNING!! This post contains major whining! Proceed at your own risk!

A bear artist I know has gotten a contract from a manufacturing company to design some pieces.

I'm happy for her, but it did send me into the "why can't I ever" etc., etc

I had thought (ok, probably set myself up to be disappointed) that being the featured artist in a publication would give us a boost and create enough interest to generate at least one order -- it didn't

So I'm trying to be less angry about my inability to "break into the big time" and have that kind of success with these things -- I guess just finally giving up fighting it and deciding its never going to happen. After 25 years I think anyone that's ever heard of us either likes what they see, or doesn't and changing isn't near as effective and making the "right" impression in the first place

I wonder actually if the market is at a saturation point and I'm just not creating what the market is looking for. Certainly our attempts to make any sales through the internet have had only very limited success, and shows are fun, but not real cost effective right now.

We'll be doing all new stuff for the April show -- a sort of test with new animals, new set up

I guess I'm looking for a "sign" here -- is this inability to "make it" a message that I should change direction? Who knows...

I know that I really enjoy doing the beadwork too, but there are a lot of the same issues with the selling venue there too....shows are LOTS of work, and sometimes you get zilch for it....

So where is this all going? I'm not at all sure, I just hope I know it when I see it....

anger turned in.....

someone defined depression that way in a piece I read recently.

Ok, maybe in the way of a 12 step plan.....hello, I'm Bev, and I'm pissed....

only problem is a lot of that anger is not only turned in but directed at every STUPID choice or act I've ever made or done......

and raging at not being able to find a way to fix any of it....yes folks, I'm a "fixer"....they say that is a man's trait, to want to fix problems....well, I either want them to get fixed or have them go away

and have no clue how to make either thing happen

......I saw a picture of that new glass shelf over the Grand Canyon, where you can look 4000 feet straight down......no thanks.....I'm doing my own version..........standing in mid air with no net

and then there is fear.....

my husband and I had a shouting match a while back and he said THOSE words..."you're just like your mother" .... to which I think "say it one more time and I'm out the door" except that some days I'm afraid I might become her, and that is pretty scary ....

its always about money ... ever notice people fight about that a lot .... but of course its being afraid of what happens when there isn't enough of it that causes the trouble for me.....

when I was a kid my parents declared bankrupcy....they were just in over their heads because of ... well, I don't really know why, which is part of the problem -- they never talked about it, they never explained what was happening, and the only thing I knew was that people were coming and taking things -- the car, the new refridgerator -- and I didn't understand ... and I was afraid ... and there you are

which I guess explains why I'm struggling right now, trying to find ways to make a little more in whatever (legal) way I can.....loosing that consulting job hurt a lot, and since it just fell into my lap in the first place, I don't know how to find another one

finding a life.....

We're musical junkies at our house. That is, we will watch musicals over and over, and sometimes interject parts of dialog or lyrics into our day to day conversations.

One of the musicals that my daughter loved and watched over and over and over was The Sound of Music. There is a line where Mother Superior is talking to Maria and telling her that the walls of the convent can't be used to hide behind, that she has to find her life.

It occurred to me recently that in a way that is what I am doing once again.

We spend a lot of our lives looking to some future event. When we are very small we look forward to going to school. When we are teenagers we look forward to driving and graduating from high school. Then we progress to looking forward to getting married, having children, building a career. When our children are growing up, we go through the stages again: sending them to school, having them graduate from high school and college, then getting them married.

We are at that stage in our lives. We are no longer part of any corporate job. Our daughter has graduated from college and will be married in August.

So....now what?

I saw an article in the paper yesterday about a 96 year old man that has just had his novel printed. He's working on the sequel and has a third book in the planning. He talked about writing to fill the time.

A couple of weeks ago I clipped an article about a woman that ending up writing her novel when she was injured and was confined to bed for a lengthy period of time.

I'm considering papering the wall around my computer desk.

The articles whisper to me "don't give up"....

the internal critic says "who do you think YOU are?"

its an dialog that sometimes keeps me awake at night........

So, I guess I need to find my life.....

music, music, music

my daughter sent me the most wonderful email ..... a whole page of links to YouTube music clips....wonderful things:

Josh Groban doing musical theatre (Anthem from Chess, Soundheim's Not While I'm Around, and The Music of the Night from the Phantom of the Opera)

Mandy Patakin doing pieces from Evita

Brian Stokes Mitchell and Audra McDonald doing a piece from Ragtime

I love it! More, I want More!!

I'm the only one in my family that has never had any kind of musical training....but I love it just the same.....bring on the bucket with the lead lid (required for carrying a tune, you know), and I'll warble along with just about any kind of musical theatre.....

(ok, I confess, I did teach myself to play the piano....I wanted to play Moonlight Sonata, and at one point, I actually could -- probably not exactly the way it should be played, but I loved the fact that I had mastered the notes in the right sequence all the way through....practice, practice, practice!! Its sort of like wanting to run before you can crawl, which probably really describes my approach to a lot of things!!)

I'll be humming all day.......

what's wrong with us?

In our area this week it was revealed that a group of junior high school kids (boys and girls) used their cell phones to take nude pictures of themselves and share them around.

Today the news reported that all of them may be charged with crimes that will require them to register as sex offenders for the rest of their lives.

HELLO!!! What's wrong with this picture?

Lets see: we expose them to sexual content their whole lives, they see the girl on American Idol "strut her stuff" and get publicity for it, they see Britney Spears walk around half naked (or more) and get rich. Then when they try to mimic what they see, the "justice" (??) system is going to punish them and ruin their lives with the sex offender thing.

Now, don't get me wrong, I think this whole thing was a bad idea, but the folks that need punishing is the parents!

Why does a 12 or 13 year old need a cell phone with a camera? Why are they being allowed to idolize Britney? Why are they being allowed to watch American Idol and Survivor and Anne Nichole's TV show? Why doesn't anyone thing they need to PARENT anymore?

Let's take each and every one of the mothers and fathers of those kids and think of some appropriate punishment for them, and someone help those kids sort out what was wrong with this whole idea.

observations.....

on Sunday mornings if I wake up early enough I listen to Mass from Notre Dame. This morning in the half hour before that, I listened to a very interesting program.

The encouraging part of the whole half hour was this: depression is a medical issue: it does not mean you don't have enough faith or that you are stupid or that you are morally weak or that you can "snap out of it" by force of will (that is like saying you can "snap out of" having high blood pressure)

Somehow there was some real comfort in that.....

...wishing.....

a while back I was invited to complete an application for a writing course, and since filling it in didn't cost me anything but a bit of brain exercise (a good thing!) I did it.....

now I'm almost wishing I hadn't because I got a letter yesterday inviting me to sign up because they liked what they saw....

trouble is, there is no way that I can afford to do this even on their tuition time payment arrangement.....

guess this shall be logged under the "better to have loved and lost" catagory.....{sigh}

8 weeks after the storm.....

(after the first of the 6 storms, actually) we FINALLY see some effort by the city to clear our street.

Notice this is a road grader....or perhaps a road "grater" since they took so long to get to us that there were long sections where the folks on the block had already dug the stuff out.


So this is the little pile they made and then cleared away.

Because it took them so long and the storm drain was blocked by ice, the ice and the chemicals everyone had used on their sidewalks just sat on the concrete for the better part of the last 8 weeks. I noticed this morning that there a several large patches on the sidewalk and the driveway where the concrete is now flaking away because of the chemicals and the freeze/thaw cycle.

Oh yes, and this morning its snowing again.....{sigh!}

...on being afraid.....

Marty (click here to see) was writing the other day about the things she is afraid of, which set me to thinking about it too......

So I have decided to write some of those thoughts down.....

1. Heights --- don't ask me to go to the edge of anything above the ground (maybe it has something to do with being afraid of falling too)

2. That my body will outlive my mind --- I hate the idea of being a babbling diapered burden

3. That something will happen and I'll end up a bag lady on the street, living out of a shopping cart

I've been thinking about trying to put a lot of the hidden fears and thoughts into a character for a story, but I'm wondering how I can do that and not set off a storm of trouble with (or for) the people around me.....I begin to understand why some writers feel the need for a pen name.

confessions.....

I like driving down a residental street in a strange town in the dark.

I look at the lights in the windows and wonder about the people who live there. Are they happy? Are they loved (and do they know it)? Are they lonely? What do they dream about....laugh about....fight about?

I've realized lately that I grew up in a sort of bubble. When people my age talk about things that were part of their commonly shared experience, I have no idea what they are talking about. I get to just nod and smile and silently feel like the stupidest person on earth.

Its not that I don't remember things....I remember plenty, way back to when I was only 2. Some of those really early memories are just pictures in my head, but I do remember.

So, here are just some of those things I mean that people talk about:

1. going to the movies with friends
2. playing on the playground of the school other than at recess
3. going to summer camp
4. going to a dance
5. reading from a required reading list
6. take a lunch from home to school
7. picking on someone on the playground (I was the someone they picked on)
8. learn to dance
9. participate in some kind of sports
10. take music lessons

When my daughter was growing up, I did everything I could to make sure she didn't miss out on any of the things the other kids got to do (safely and within reason, that is)....in a way, I got to experience a lot of things for the first time as an observer to her life.

I'm sure I made my own mistakes along the way with that, but at least I tried. I've joked that being the mother of an attractive daughter is an interesting role....you're mostly invisible.....its a role I'm well suited to

Self discovery at my age is painful. This sort of self guided mental health therapy is interesting to say the least. I've discovered that I'm good at teaching (or being in charge of something) and I'm okay with being the "worker bee" behind the scenes, but I have no idea how to do the social thing in between.

So now I'm trying to deal with my own "night terrors" of a sort.....the DH wants to go and do square dancing. He says it will be good exercise. He says it will be a way to meet new people. He says it will be fun.

I'm making him set it up, I'm having enough issues trying not to run screaming....I'm sure I will be a total klutz...I have no idea how to dress...and what do I say to these smiling, dancing people who have some common connection. Never mind, I'm sure they won't talk to me anyway except to correct my errors.

pondering and reflecting........

I've been cleaning out old files the last couple of weeks, its something I just tend to do in the "dark days of winter" in January as I do taxes. Probably this is something left over from spending 30 years in corporate accounting offices.

Yesterday, as I was cleaning out one file and putting documents through the shredder, I ran across a letter dated February 4, 2001, that the last corporate boss I had wrote commending the work I had done to get the department through a rather ugly year end.

At the time I'm sure I just was thinking about getting the work done, and it feels rather odd six years later (on the same date no less!) to reflect and remember. As I handed the letter to DH to read, my comment was "someone used to value what I did".

Sort of bitter sweet in terms of the fact that I think I've been "phased out" of the accounting work that I'd been doing for a local company. Of course for them its all about economics....they have a "friend" that will do it cheaper than what I charge....hmmmm, I wonder if the "you get what you pay for" logic will apply here....ah well.

It just seems to be human nature to look back and regret....hence the ever present list of online questions always seems to include "if you could change one thing in your life what would it be"......a hard question to answer for those that believe that every choice made impacts every other choice given.

Whittier was right when he said: "the saddest words of tongue or pen, are these four words, what might have been"

Meantime, the Denver paper yesterday put out its annual "Call for Entries" to write a for a column that appears weekly in the Sunday opinion section. They want 2 sample columns of 600 to 700 words and a cover letter. I sent in essays last year and was turned down, so now I'm pondering on doing it again. (If I'm collecting rejection slips, at least I'm sending stuff in!!) What I need, tho', is a couple of ideas to write about that I can get excited about. Deadline is Tuesday, Feb 20, so I have a little time, but not a lot.

So, anybody got any ideas?

wearing 3 shoes....who knew?

Ok, I guess I was wrong.

There was yet another shoe to be dropped after the last post.

Monday I had to put 2 new tires on the van and have it aligned before it was safe to take it on the road.

DANG! Just when I thought 3 was the magic number....(here we're making the sign to ward off the evil eye, hoping this new event isn't the beginning of a new 3 some!)

This time I was ticked off enough about the cause of the problem that I fired off a hot letter to the dealership about the total incompetence of who ever did the vehicle inspection before we bought the van (unless, of course, they just lied to us about that happening).

Seems this month we can't catch a break {sigh}

Looking for a window...(the other shoe has dropped)

Ever notice how "bad" things come in threes?

Maybe I'm just nuts (ok, we'll discuss that another day), but it seems that bad things always happen in clumps.

I've now had my 3 in the last week, and I can say, I'm glad the clump is over now we can get on to recovering.

Item 1

Last week we went out to go some where, and the van wouldn't start. Nope, battery dead as a doornail (what DOES that phrase mean?), and this was the 4th time we had found this condition. And since I had already used up all of my alloted AAA calls, I had no choice, I called the dealership and told them that we had "the issue" AGAIN!

Much to their credit, they sent one of their techs with a booster box and got me started, then I took the van to them to figure it out.

Over the few months we have had the van I have gotten to know a lot about it. Through some miracle, the folks that owned it before us had left a receipt in the glove box that had a phone number on it. I got bold, I called the guy and asked him if they had ever had this issue with the van. He said yes, so I questioned him further about the DVD player that had been installed in the van. He had put that in the weekend he bought the van, so he couldn't answer my next question which was -- did you have the problem before the DVD player went in.

So, my thought was that the folks that installed the DVD player (Circuit City) had installed it with the electrical connection ahead of the starter so it was always on and draining the battery.

Well, after 24 hours and a lot of testing, the dealership found the problem ... guess what ... I was right.

So, the wiring for the DVD player has been REMOVED!, and I got to write a check for $311 to the dealership. (At least now the problem is fixed!)

Item 2

Then we had the furnace issue. Waking up to a COLD (even by our standards) house and getting to spend just under $200 to have the ignitor unit replaced on Monday.

At that point I knew there would be something else ... its that clump of 3!

Item 3
The other shoe dropped yesterday. (that's another phrase I'd like to know the origin of)

Since August I've been doing bank recons and account analysis for a small business locally to help them try to get onto a corporate basis from just being a small "mom & pop". The guy has been paying me at the rate I had originally asked him for, and I was making enough to cover the increase in payments going out for the van and my health insurance.

Yesterday when I delivered the December recon, he told me that they had some friend of theirs that was a Quick Books guru working on the inventory and other things, and for now at least he doesn't have anything else for me to do for them.

NUTS!

So, there we are...now I need to find some way to make up that difference......

We believe that when a door closes somewhere a window opens.....so, I'm looking for a window

Slaying the Dragon....

I've done it again.....submitted something for publication.

Two things actually -- one is a sheet of paper dolls that I just finished, and the other is an article about a teddy bear's make over.

These both went to an online magazine. I was emboldened by receiving a notice from the self same Ezine that an article I had submitted back in December is going to be used in the upcoming issue......WHOOOPPPEEE!!

I don't get paid for these other than the free publicity about my work to a much larger audience than I can reach any other way, so its pretty good!

As soon as the issue comes out, I'll post links here.

Now, I just need to keep at another writing project I'm working on.....

Letters from home......

I have a dear friend in California that sends out an email about once a week to a long list of folks that I am blessed to be a part of.

Usually she writes it and sends it out (actually her daughter does the computer part) on Sunday afternoon, and I get to start my week by reading what I consider to be "news from home".

Even at this point, I have still lived more years in California than anywhere else, so it really does feel like home.

I should also add that this charming lady is an accomplished artist, so she notices things an artist would notice and shares them with us all.

This week's letter included the following: "The hills to the East have a green tinge to them." ...and... "The hummingbird (or another one) has returned. She is sitting in last year's refurbished nest on two eggs"

Oh, to have the hills in any direction from us have a green tinge! I am well and totally sick of winter, as we cleaned another 5 inches out of the driveway yesterday for a total of about 8 inches for this weekend's storm. (and I see in the long range forecast another storm for NEXT weekend --- please! say it isn't so!)

I love reading her letters and hate reading her letters....wondering how many days this week I'll feel homesick......Bless you June, for helping me remember that spring will come -- eventually!

Do I seem like an atheist to you?

Recently someone said to me "I sometimes think you are an atheist, its like you don't believe in anything".

Now this is troubling.

And since there was no specific example of what I had said or done that was cited to give me some opportunity for explanation, I'm now left wondering what it was I did -- or didn't do -- that gave someone that impression.

I will admit to having had doubts. Its not that I don't believe that God exists, or that He knows what's going on down here. But I can say that I've never had that "flash of lightening" feeling that people talk about. I guess that's reserved for folks that are already WAY ahead of me on this level.

So to a large extent I guess I feel like I'm sort of stumbling along, trying most of the time to be a good person tho' I'm not always, to give back to folks with less than I have.

I'd like to have that "I'm sure of it all" feeling that some folks say they have, but I guess I've taken too many detours along the way.

Administrivia and trouble makers

I'm beginning to wonder if there is an active brain cell left among the administrative employees in this area.

Example #1:

Early in December, the DH was given a form by his doctor to get a handicap placard for the car. When we started filling in our part of the form, we discovered that the doctor's office had not had her sign the form, so it had to go back to her office to be signed.

After the form came back to us, we didn't get over to the DMV because of the 3 storms back to back.

Well, yesterday seemed like an opportune time, so off we went to the DMV, form in hand to accomplish the deed. But NOOOOOOO, there was a number missing! So I called the doctor's office, from the DMV and asked for them to give me the doctor's medical license number (required on the form by the State), and was told by the administrative employee that she could give me that information over the phone because it was "private information" --- HUH!? Then she told me she'd have to check with the office manager and call me back.

She finally did call back, an hour and a half later, after we had given up waiting and returned home.

So today the form is in the mail box waiting for the post man to carry it back to the DMV. I hope we've finally got it right.

Example #2:
This morning we got a phone call from the office of the specialist that the DH is supposed to see tomorrow asking us if we had the referal paperwork. WHAT?

Here's the deal here: when we first called (back in early December) to make an appointment we were told they needed the referal. I contacted the primary care doctor and asked them to take care of that for us (its SUPPOSED to be their job). About 2 weeks ago, the specialist's office called and said they had the referal and we made an appointment.

Ok, whose wires are crossed here?

On second thought, maybe it isn't all administrative employees, maybe it just the medical ones -- what do we expect from a system so seriously broken?!

And my second "rant" for today has to do with troublemakers.

Why is it some people are just not satisfied unless they are stirring up past history and flinging accusations?

Having just had an encounter with this issue, I am mightily tempted to reply point by point with both barrels (preferably of a shot gun full of rock salt!)

And of course that response makes me unhappy with feeling that way, having been told as a child that someone always has to be the "bigger person" in a disagreement, and that it should be me (why me always?)....

But sometimes it seems a little righteous indignation and a setting of the record straight might go a really long way to putting a halt to this kind of assault in the future.

Maybe I'll get to have my say someday.....

tax screaming

I've spent a good deal of time the last 2 days working on taxes.

First we organize all the little pieces of paper into piles of what they are: medical, business, contributions, sales tax, income

Then its on to the spread sheets -- I should note here that effective Jan 1, 2007, I am converting all my business stuff into QuickBooks, so there will be less of this next time, but there will still be medical

And then there is the reviewing to be sure I didn't duplicate anything

and the downloading of forms from the IRS.gov site where I can take just the pieces I need (including from the instructions) but even so, I have a hefty stack of paper to wade through

I may run screaming from the room!!! (how did I do this at work for all those years without being certifiable --- oh, yeah, now my secret is out!!)

how did I write that?

yesterday, as we're driving off to the store to pick up a few things, the DH says to me "why don't you see if there is some place that you could submit a short story"

hmmmmm, well, uuuuhhhhh .... here's the issue my friends: when I was in high school (yes, low, nearly 40 years ago) I wrote short stories, and plays and poetry and newspaper articles. Thing is, I just wrote whatever was floating around in my head (or the assigned topic in the case of a newspaper article). I never took a class then, or in college, that gave me any really idea of how to create a believable character, or structure a plot, or whatever.....I just "did it"

so, do I still have a story or two to write? well, maybe, but I have no idea anymore how to start.

Can I blog? Well, yes, it appears so, since I have 3 of these running and I seem to be able to write a recipe and a few paragraphs about its source, or keep up a running commentary on the other art work I'm creating, but I don't seem to have the faintest idea of how to start a story.

is it possible to write a story without knowing at the beginning how it will end? how is it that the idea for that civil war era novel is still floating around, but I have no clue how to start (ok, I have done a brief character description for ONE character, but I don't seem to know those other people)

and so I'm puzzling about this....how is it you can "forget" how to do this, or was it simply that when I was 17 I didn't even think about the structure, I read a lot and I wrote a lot......

having read several of Julia Cameron's books, I know that if you're going to write, you have to do it every day, and I'm managing to do that by blogging (I don't miss a lot of days), but that is not giving me any real direction....NUTS!

hmmmmmm, perhaps having some direction is the problem......

and so I consider this rambling a sort of "asking the higher power" as Cameron puts it, and thinking that perhaps someone in blogland will run across this and drop me an idea or two.....

On being thankful to live in this century

In doing family history, I've also read some other source material about the experience of living on the plains in the 1800s.

For the past 3 days, we've had clouds, snow, and almost constant wind.

Imagine living in those conditions out in the middle of the plains, no neighbors for miles, no electricity, no internet, no cable --- nothing but a little cabin, a fireplace and the sound of the wind howling around (or through) the cabin.

No wonder those women looked so dour in those pictures. How did they keep from going literally crazy in those conditions?

They obviously were made of very sturdy stuff -- I'm not sure I would measure up.....here's to our great grandmothers --- what great ladies they were!

A wonderful Christmas was had by all......

As I write this, I'm sitting in a pool of lovely full spectrum light from the new lamp my DH got for me. After having "burned up" two smaller lamps that were full spectrum bulbs but used a transformer in the power set up, I had hinted broadly that a more efficient lighting system was probably a good idea. TA DA! I now have wonderful light to work under!!

He had quite a story to tell about one of the other presents he got for me too, and it goes like this.

Not long ago on Mason Dixon Knitting, there was a lengthy review of a Rowenta iron. Now the iron I've been using is about my daughter's age, and has seen me through many projects, but after reading the review of the Rowenta, I went on at length about its virtues, especially since it was clear that an heirloom quality quilt for our daughter's wedding was in our future.

So, the ever faithful DH set out on his quest to make it happen. Off he went to the store where he picked out a very nice model of the Rowenta, one with a very "pointy" sole plate which will be great for all that quilt work!

He goes to the check out, and is his usual thing, he was telling the clerk how this is a present for his wife for Christmas. Well, he nearly couldn't get it out the door until he made a long explanation about how thrilled I'd be to get it for the quilting. She simply didn't think an iron was a good Christmas gift! What a hoot!! BTW -- I am thrilled!! Can't wait to get started on the next quilt project and get to use it.

Today's picture should probably be labeled "Queen Elphie". She's pretty much taken this chair as her personal "throne". At the time I took this picture Christmas morning (before we tore into the presents as you can see from behind her), she was keeping our daughter's dog from getting into "her" chair.

I hope all of you had a great Christmas too!

Snow pictures and household projects

The snow and the wind made lovely scuplture! This is our back yard, where the wind blew the snow around into a kind of "half pipe".....it really looks amazing......I'm wondering if there's some way to capture this look with beads.....something to think about

The picture below is an icicle hanging from the blue spruce tree in our front yard.....the storm decorated the tree for Christmas!

And these would be the latest knitting adventure. Both knit from the same pattern, but in one the texture runs vertically and the other it is horizontal.

These are covers for my "Swiffer" which I love using because it picks up the dog hair so well, but I'm not thrilled with the "use the cover once and throw it away" issue.....

The reason I knit these two different directions was to do a semi scientific test.....which pattern picks up the most stuff before it must be changed? After a test use to figure it out, I will be making a few more of these.....in the most efficient pattern of course!

Why can't we play nice?

I keep wondering about that question as I keep hearing the replays (over and over ad nauseum) of Rosie and Donald slinging insults at each other.

What ever happened to a civilized nation?

I'll give Donald the benefit of the doubt here, he's giving a girl a chance to clean up her act and turn her life around. I'll forego that he probably has a financial motive here (see, even I'm cynical), but I can't for the life of me understand what Rosie can be thinking.....

Has our national culture so deteriorated that everything must be negative? Is this the legacy of living in fear?

It makes me want to stand on the street corner and scream at people "just play nice"!!

Ouch!

One of the side attractions of having anywhere from 1/4 inch to 7 feet of snow in your yard is the fun you get to have clearing it out.

Today's excursion was done in 2 stages.....we had been asked by the post office folks to clear a path to our mail boxes so they can resume delivery service tomorrow, so we did that first.

It took a while to clear the knee deep drift across the sidewalk right next to the garage, but then we chugged along down the driveway on one side of the car, and on to the front walk to the edge of the post box.

By the time we had recovered and returned back outside to do the second stage, the neighbor on one side had run his snow blower from his property line to where we had cleared in front of the mail box, so we didn't have to do that piece (we thanked him profusely!!)

So, we concentrated on clearing out the rest of the driveway.....so now when our daughter comes down for Christmas, there'll be someplace for her to park.

I can definately say I got my exercise today, but this evening my back is letting me know I over did it....OUCH!

So, its off to the alternating hot and cold and a good dose of advil before bedtime..........maybe I should just go lay in a snow drift!!

Meantime, I'm trying to find out how I can get some help for my folks to get dug out.....my dad was talking about going out with a shovel to dig out the truck and make a path to the wood shed, but he really should not be doing that.....my mother says she thinks she can get some one from the city to help, but I worry about them decided to do it for themselves.....its hard for them I know to admit they can't do everything for themselves --- we're having some of those issues ourselves -- but I worry about it anyway.

It's not time yet!!

I'm yelling that actually to all the folks that are currently celebrating the 12 days of Christmas.....being a bit of a purist is a pain I guess, but just in case someone is actually interested, the 12 days of Christmas are AFTER Christmas....like until Ephifany......Ok, I'm done with that rant for now.

I'm in a semi pre Christmas funk.....working away on the last of the Christmas presents that must get finished post haste and really wanting to work on a whole lot of brand new things that I've got all set up to start on (see the studio blog from early in the week) and having a couple more new ideas floating around in my head.....nuts!

Meantime, I can say that my Christmas shopping is done (just waiting for another package to arrive in the mail); all of the cards are mailed; the first package that had to go out of town was mailed yesterday and the last one goes tomorrow. We're deep into gift wrapping, which at some point every year looses its attraction, and becomes a chore, but we aren't there yet (see if we would only buy one present for each person.....ha, like that will ever happen!)

Anyway, I'm meantime worrying a bit about my sister (a 5 day migrane is a BAD, BAD thing); my brother in law (he's having surgery on his shoulder next Thursday); my dad (bronchitis on top of COPD is another BAD idea) and my husband (he fell on his knee 2 weeks ago today and is still having a lot of pain and the knee looks seriously like he needs to scrub off the mud, except its all discolored beneath the skin -- he's going to the doctor tomorrow). This is an official request for prayer for all of them!

Today is the 3rd Sunday of Advent, what glorious rose colored vestments in evidence, I enjoyed listening to the mass from Notre Dame this morning. We are reminded here to rejoice, the Lord is coming!

Today is also the 3rd day of Chanukkah, and we honor the Jewish traditions that lead to our transformation into Christians.

May all of you, whatever your belief be blessed.

The decorating is done!

Actually, its been done since Sunday, but it took me a while to get the pictures taken, and then it took me a while longer to figure out how to load these up on the "new and improved" (NOT) blogger.

Anyway, here is a little "tour" of all the Christmas crazyness......

This is the family room tree, complete with all the hand made ornaments from my friend in California, and the pictures of my daughter with Santa, and the ornaments she made as a little girl. This one has bubble lights and shaped bulb lights (bears and snow men)
Right inside the front door this little table is the place I set the envelopes waiting to go out to the box for the next day. I've had the little mail box and the lantern for a really long time.

This is the little wall tree in the kitchen with its wooden jumper toys around it.

Going up the stairs the banister is wrapped with greenery and lights and tied up with green, gold and burgandy ribbon. Between each rail is a wooden jumper toy and there is a little wood sleigh and a candle on each step.
Candles and Russian style art (there is no place in our local parish church to light a candle, but I can do it here). The Icon in the middle is St Nicholas, and the egg on the left has a nativity scene inside.

This is what we call our Russian tree -- really its an Eastern European tree as all of the ornaments and figurines under it are in that style. There are a lot of real eggs that have been painted or otherwise decorated on this tree. This tree is on one side of the buffet in the dining room.

This tree stands at the other end of the buffet in the dining room. Every ornament on it is hand blown glass, there are a lot of Radko ornaments and a number of Italian blown glass pieces.
The top of the stereo cabinet, all decorated with tin toys, santa mugs and candles.
Its not yet the night before Christmas, but the stockings are hung by the chimney with care! I have done the knitting of 3 of these in the last 2 months.
In the family room on the wall opposite the big tree is this little wall tree that is all decorated with Disney ornaments and keepsakes from our trips to Disneyland.

This little tree is on top of a doll case next to the piano. The star on top is the last rennant of the decorations my grandmother used to hang in the windows when I was a child. The ornaments on this tree are the little ones that would get lost on a big tree. There is also a fiber santa that my DH made as a child on this one.
Not exactly a tree, but we count it anyway. The Lladro bell and ball ornaments are a little heavy for a regular tree, but they look good on this stand. And I like the look of the other bisque porcelian pieces under it.
The top of the curio cabinet always has this clock (it was made by my DH's grandfather), but at Christmas we add some ceramic and porcelain figures too.
Decorating the coffee table with greenery and candles has been a long time thing, but this year I added some eggs with inside decorations too.

Under the living room tree, the bears are all dressed up and ready for the occasion.
The Crystal Tree. Every ornament on it is clear glass, most of them lead crystal. This is the tree my daughter is still afraid to touch, but now days she adds to my 30+ year collection every year.
Standing next to the piano is the Bear Tree. Every ornament on this one is a bear, and that means there are a lot of Coca Cola bears on there!
The nativity set is in its usual place on top of the piano (some day soon I'll have to find a new place when the piano goes to my daughter). We use some traditions from other places when we set it up. The 3 Wise Men are always to the East, not right at the stable (I believe this is a French custom), on top of the stable is the angel and a rooster (the rooster is a big symbol in the Russian chruch) and there is no baby in the manger until after midnight on Christmas Eve.

Yes, that's the end......there really are NINE trees!!

And now you know why it takes us 2 weeks to get it all set up.....

Consider this my Christmas Card to you all. May you have a wonderful Christmas, and may the world find Peace in the New Year.

Having been "tagged"

by Jason (see his blog at http://clarityofnight.blogspot.com/) here are some little known things about me.

Five Little Known Facts About Me

1. I taught myself to play the piano. I wanted to be able to play Moonlight Sonata, so that is where I started. At one time I actually could play it all the way through. (its been a few years, and it would take a lot of practice to get it back)

2. When I was in high school I wanted to be a fashion designer. I worked for a while with two guys and made outfits for rock bands. I wonder sometimes where I would be now if there had actually been money for me to go to college and pursue this.

3. I have only 2 or 3 memories of my mother before I was 5 even though I remember a lot of things clear back to when I was 2. I spent most of my time with my grandmother (my mammy, as I called her), and she had a profound impact on my life -- teaching me to sew, knit, crochet, cook, iron, and all those other "girl things" she also taught me to love flowers and poetry. At one time after her death I had a dream about her that was so vivid I could actually feel her touch. (ah, a truly mystical experience)

4. Most of the time when I was in school I felt I had more in common with the adults than with the kids my age.

5. The dream to be a published author has been with me since I was about 10.


And there you have it......there are probably at least 5 more, but some things are better left in their dark little closets!

the insurance company's annual greeting

arrived today.....the health insurance company that is, and why they feel its neceassry to ruin my Christmas every year is beyond me....

This year's greeting.....the premium for the health insurance for just me is an increase of 25%!! Yeah right, like our income will keep pace with that....ha!

The sad thing about it is that basically I'll be paying the $350 a month to have the insurance just in case I fall and break my leg or something since they will not pay for my blood pressure medicine, so I'm footing the bill myself for my meds.....

I have to admit that in a way I'm looking forward to being old enough for medicare.....at least the monthly premiums will be less because I'll actually finally be part of a group

now I'll just be wondering where that extra $$ will come from every month.....{sigh} guess I have to sell more jewelry or animals or another magazine article every month

writing Christmas letters and other frustrations of a non-speller

yes, its my annual incursion with writing a Christmas letter that goes out to folks near and far to keep them updated on what is happening in our lives since I don't talk to them every day/week/month.....

This year's "remembering" has been easier because I have been blogging (and keeping copies) all year .... my way to keep a journal --- I'd never do it any other way

this also brings me to why my Webster's Dictionary is falling apart --- even with it, I CAN NOT SPELL!

To those of you that can hear a word and simply plunk it into whatever you are working on I can officially say I HATE YOU!! Ok, maybe hate is too strong a word, but it does express my frustration.

Much of the time I end up either spending HOURS with the dictionary (yes that's spelled right but only because I LOOKED!) or just using a lot of synonyms (you know, those words you use when you can't spell the other one!) But most of the time that means that what I put on paper (or in cyber blog land) may not really be what I exactly meant to say (but I'm too afraid of being perceived as stupid to just let fly and ignore the spelling and hope folks will "get" what I'm saying)

And don't tell me that I can always "look it up"!! The problem here is that the dictionary is organized by how things are spelled, which is not necessarily how I hear it. I worked myself into a near tizzy the other day because I was writing something that included the rather innocuous word "auxiliary".

Sure, I can type it now, but I ended up having to ask my DH to look it up for me. (And along the way he's saying to me "its about the derivation of the words" -- yeah, this from a guy that at one time could carry on a complete conversation in LATIN!!!)

Here's why: that word to me sounds like it should be spelled "augzilary" -- now do you see my point?

What is this magic that lets people hear all those words and be able to tell what the letters really are? Is there some sort of special kind of dyslexia at work here? And so, I am a frustrated writer.....wanting to say what I want to say and afraid to say it because I can't spell it.....ARRRGGHHHH!!

Ok, now that I have that out of my system, I'm going back to work -- perhaps tomorrow a rant about why I can't do math in my head (or not!)

Have I mentioned lately

that I hate winter?

Well, that's not really an accurate statement. I hate being cold (I also hate being too hot, but then that just proves there's no pleasing me!).

Here's a little back ground on my current complaining:

Item 1 -- the cost of heating our house in the winter has almost doubled in the almost 5 years since we moved here.

Item 2 -- we live on a fixed income

Item 3 -- last year, in an attempt to cut the cost of heating, we used our fireplace and turned the thermostat down to 58 degrees

Well, after several tests and consulting with our doctor, we have now concluded that we just can not continue with that. So, this week we turned the thermostat back up to 62 degrees.

It is amazing what a difference 4 degrees makes.....I can walk around the house without my feet and hands always being cold. I can take a shower without dreading getting out. I can wear just a t shirt and a sweat shirt instead of a t shirt and a sweat shirt and a sweater....but I'm already dreading that heat bill.....

And a further issue is that we are discovering that the lung issues that DH is having (which started last winter) are being aggravated by the cold, the dry climate and the altitude. All of which probably means major changes in our lives in the future.....

So tonight I'm contemplating what we might do next....thinking about houses all on one floor (no more up and down stairs every day for DH) and a moister climate with less altitude....but where?

{sigh}

Just for fun .... 48 things

Okay, its Friday morning, I didn't finish anything yesterday, I have to load the van later today to do a show tomorrow, and I just feel like fooling around.

So, on another blog that I read were these 48 questions, and I've decided to give them a go too:

48 things

1. FIRST NAME? Bev

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? Yup, family friend

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? when my daughter told me she was engaged

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? well, that depends on the day -- it can be like some illuminated manuscript, or it can look like a chicken ran over the page with inked feet

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? ham

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? yes -- I'm interesting and quirky

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? 3 actually, this being one of them

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? not since I was 3

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? No, no a thousand times no (why would anyone jump off a perfectly good bridge, mountain, building, etc.....or out of a perfectly good airplane for that matter)

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? oatmeal with lots of raisins

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? nope....no strings!! (I wear Crocs about 99% of the time)

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? I consider myself a survivor, so I must be

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Chocolate!

14. SHOE SIZE? 9 wide

15. RED OR PINK? Red

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? the self doubt that sneaks in when I least expect (or need) it

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? friends that are now gone beyond the veil

18. WHAT FOOD WILL GET YOU OUT OF BED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT? Nothing

19. WHAT COLOUR TROUSERS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? grey sweats, grey sweat shirt, black t shirt, grey Crocs

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? crackers at 10 pm last night

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? the sound of the rock tumbler rumbling along polishing the stones that might end up in the next beading project, Josh Groban CD

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Red

23. FAVORITE SMELL? Coffee, roses, chocolate, fresh bread baking

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? my daughter

25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? their hands

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON YOU STOLE THIS FROM? we've never met, but I enjoy her blog

27. FAVOURITE DRINK? ice tea

28. FAVOURITE SPORT? football to watch.....to do... you've GOT to be kidding!

29. EYE COLOUR? Hazel.

30. HAT SIZE? no clue....usually wear a sweatshirt with a hood

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? EWWWW! put my fingers in my eyes, NO WAY!

32. FAVORITE FOOD? hmmmmm, cheese burgers, french fries, shrimp and pasta, chocolate cake (these are basically a big NO NO now days....too much fat)

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy, scary movies give me nightmares and I have enough of my own, thanks!

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? neither....too hot, too cold.....spring and fall are great

36. HUGS OR KISSES? Both, depending on with whom, of course

37. FAVOURITE DESSERT? angel cake

38. WHAT SIDE OF THE BED DO YOU SLEEP ON AND WHY? The right because I've always slept there

39. IF YOU DIDN'T MAKE THE DECISION TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE A FAMILY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE DOING TODAY? probably a lot of the same things I'm doing, or not. I'm a firm believer that you wouldn't be where you are if you hadn't made every decision you did, so I just can't imagine what I'd be doing

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? Witness to Hope, George Weigel (tho' reading is not really the right word...more like savoring and studying)

41. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? Wizard of Oz characters

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Shark

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? rain on the roof, my daughter singing, the voice of a friend on the phone

44. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? neither -- The Moody Blues

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Washington, DC

46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? making do

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Denver

48. WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Nobody - I appropriated it from another blogger!

So, my readers, how about your answers!

being grumpy just for a bit.....

yup, spent some time doing the "why didn't I" yesterday afternoon.....

I went to investigate a show that someone had suggested to me, and quite unexpectedly got hit with the "one more door closed to you" fact.

This show is sponsored by the American Association of University Women, and they do a lot of very interesting projects and programs that I thought might be fun.....

hold on there, I'm not eligible to play....seems there's this little requirement for University women....you had to hang in there and get a degree...at least a 2 year one, 4 is better.....{sigh!}

fortunately, they don't seem to require that the artists that apply to the show have one, and this might be a good venue for my jewelry

We'll see

Being Thankful, Part II......

my daughter and her fiance were here last night, and have just left us to head home....

I feel once again the need to say what a neat guy he is.....

So, once again I'm thankful for good things that are happening in her life....yes there are always life's bumps (see my rant about student loans from earlier in the week), but on the whole, its good!

I'm brought to mind of a lyric in a broadway musical...."...somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good..."

Student Loans Suck.....

or at least the way they are handled does.

I have spent several hours the last two days trying to help my daughter figure out why, even tho' she is in forebearance on her loans, they have been reported as delinquent any way.

It isn't bad enough that the cost of tuition has gotten so high that most middle class kids can't go to school without taking loans, the way they are administrated after they get out is beyond poor, almost to the point of being a deliberate attempt to financially cripple these young people.

Why tell them they can get deference or forebearance when they have financial problems and need to reduce their payments if you're just going to screw up their credit anyway?

Needless to say, there have been long, detailed letters with explanatory supporting exhibits prepared to send off to the student loan administrators, the credit bureaus and all of her congressional and senatorial representation.

If some candidate for a political office would seriously attack this issue, he (or she) would gain a good number of votes for life from grateful students who would be able to go on peaceably with their lives without wondering what the loan administration is doing to their credit rating this month.

And another thing, it is also my considered opinion that the credit bureas hold entirely too much power over all of our lives. Just who are these little trolls, sitting under the bridges, deciding who the good people are and who the bad people are and making it nye unto impossible to ever recover from any issue rather it is actually of your own making or not.

So that is my rant for today (I'm now stepping off my soap box and donning my flameproof suit!)

Puppy Cuteness!!

At the end of a hard weekend of work at a show.....

The "puppy" (all 65 pounds of her!) being a lap dog to warm her feet and make sure we don't go anywhere!!

On being thankful….

I spent time sitting in a hospital waiting room this week while my husband was having a test done.

While I was sitting there, a man came in and was waiting too. His right arm was in a sling.

As people do, when they sit in such places, we exchanged pleasantries…he asked about the knitting project I was working on, I asked about his arm.

Here is his story:

Last week he fell and cracked the bone right below the ball joint of the arm all the way across. He’s in one of those lovely slings that immobilizes the upper arm so it will heal without surgery (hopefully). On Monday morning of this week, he had to rush his wife to the emergency room, and they ended up admitting her for a heart problem. As we were in the waiting room, the doctor came out and told him that his wife is going to have to have open heart surgery, probably tomorrow.

This whole story made me think about a couple of things.

The first is just how lucky we are that my husband has mostly recovered from his arm injury, that he didn’t have more complications with his gall bladder surgery, that I am still healthy enough to be a help instead of an extra burden.

The second was that I hope that man has someone to help him, be it friends or family, because he’s going to have a tough time for a while. I don’t know his name, or his wife’s, but God does, and I’m sure when I pray for that nameless couple, God will get it right.

I’m grateful for what we have, and especially today, I feel the need to say so.

Juggling doctor appointments and shows

The medical profession continues to tick me off.

Last Thursday the doctor's office called to tell me they had scheduled an appointment for one of the two tests for DH, and they had faxed the info to the other place for the second test. They were very nice, gave me the information they had, and the phone numbers of both places to "pre-register".

Well, today I scheduled out some time to make the calls, and had quite a "fun" time!

First I called the place where we had to set up the time and date, and of course they right off wanted to do it the same day that the other test is already scheduled for....finally got that one (echocardiogram) scheduled for Oct 30, even tho they say they haven't received the fax from the primary care physician yet....hopefully they will have it by the 30th!

Then I called the other place to give them all the information they say they need, and fortunately at the end of the conversation I asked what time he should be there, because they had him listed for a totally different time and if we had gone at the time the doctor's office told us to, we would have missed the whole thing....and the hospital had paid no attention to the information sent by the doctor because they still had the old phone number instead of the new one that the doctor has....

The computer is wonderful when it is properly used, but just like any other tool, it doesn't work if it isn't......sort of like eating soup with a fork!

Anyway, we've managed to get these scheduled and they don't fall on days that we have to set up, work or tear down a show...thank goodness!

Onward and upward I guess

Bad news and a further rant about doctors

Yesterday morning, I got one of those phone calls you hate to get....my daughter called to tell me that her fiance had been in an automobile accident that had totaled his car.

Fortunately he is ok. And this weekend they will begin the "finding a new car" process.....I don't envy them that project having just done that ourselves.

As a rant about the state of medical care, we are right now very glad we decided to change doctors.

My husband had his first appointment with his new doctor and as she was examining him she casually asked what had ever been said to us about his heart murmur, to which we said "his what!?" His other doctor had never mentioned it.

So he will be going to have an echocardiogram done as well as some pulmunary function tests.

I'm just glad that he was sufficently unhappy with the treatment he was getting to be willing to change!

Further proof that fall is here.....

While my husband mowed the back yard yesterday, I finally got all of the firewood stacked up.

Last year we had 2 piles, a small one in this spot, and another larger one along the side of the house. We decided that this spot is the better one when the weather (ie snow) comes because its easier to get to this.....decks are easier to shovel than dirt is if you don't want to be in snow over your shoes!

Looks good doesn't it!

And this morning, as if to make my point, its much colder out than yesterday.....ok, the next necessary project is cleaning the fireplace so we're ready for burning some of this.

Shouting and turning cartwheels!!

I submitted my first article to the on line magazine yesterday evening.

I was prepared to wait a bit before I heard anything about it, knowing that the editor would be busy with other projects today, but in this morning's emails was a letter telling me it will be published in November's issue of the E-zine!!

I'm excited....and the editor has asked me to "keep them coming".....YEAH!!!!

So, I guess I need to get busy working on more stuff

Announcing Hattie's Kitchen

I have just begun a new blog titled Hattie's Kitchen. (http://hattieskitchen.blogspot.com)

If you have a moment, check it out!!

Fall is here!

This is the view from my back door toward the back corner of our yard. The big pine trees are in our yard, and the tree that has gone all golden is in the yard next door.

It really looks like these two trees are giving each other a big bear hug before the winter comes!

Its cool enough at night to close most of the windows and have a blanket on the bed. And of course, it also means the labrador thinks is a "two people night" and wants to sleep on our bed too. This is not a good thing, however!

Consider this equation: 1 double bed (not even queen!) + 2 adult humans + 1 65 pound, very tall labrador that runs in her sleep = someone on the floor (probably me!). It may be a very long winter!!

I am ashamed.....

to say I am an American.

Now before you start flame throwing, hear me out....

My dad is part of the Greatest Generation. He was a sailor in WWII, and his entire generation sacraficed a lot to put an end to the reign of a tyrant.

Yesterday my government (well, not really, since my vote seemed to count for naught), decided it is ok to torture people to get information.

Now here's the deal....the only "information" you get when you torture someone is whatever they think you want to hear. Any one of us under the right situation will say ANYTHING, true or not, to make the pain stop.

So, now we're going to make this all nice and legal so there won't be any war crimes trials when all of this is over....we've added a new "legal" twist to this...too bad Hitler didn't think to do that before the war, it would have saved a lot of his guys the legal hassels after the war.....

Oh yes, and just why do we think the "enemy" will have any compunctions about torturing any of our soldiers if they get the chance? Haven't we seen enough heads cut off on grainy video feeds to know they will not think twice about returning the favor to us?

We have seeming learned nothing......it must be true......"we have met the enemy and he is us".....

yes, I'm ashamed today to be an American

OK, one person can.....

change the date that is. My daughter and her fiance have changed the date to August 18, 2007.....seems he has a cousin that is getting married August 4, and they are trying to spare his family 2 weekends of back to back weddings.....nice kids!

And don't you love this picture of them? They are adorable together.

So, that is my "proud mom" brag for today!!

what's that ringing sound?

ok....its the distant sound of wedding bells!

my daugher called to tell us that the young man she has been dating for months asked her to marry him and she said yes.


hmmmmm, do I look like a "mother in law" to you......

I know there will be LOTS of sewing to do here for this affair....lets see, bride's dress, maid of honor dress, bride's maid dresses x 2, flower girl....oh yeah, and I'll probably have to come up with something for me to wear.....WOW!!

I'm extremely glad that we have done such a great job teaching her how to do a long range plan for a big project.....she's already writing lists (that's my girl!!!)....which will make it much easier for all involved

OK, no one (and I do mean NO ONE!) is allowed to schedule anything for the two weeks around August 11, 2007

NUTS!??

I clipped this picture out of our local newspaper.

Its amazing how we have no issue with picking up a little wild animal to have it cared for but a good number of us won't do the same for a child.....{sigh}

Anyway, it is a cute picture of the squirrel, and my lab wants me to get her one with a broken leg so she has a chance to actually catch it (those in the neighborhood with 4 good legs are just too quick for her!)

Fall's coming....

I know that anyone that can read a calendar knows that, but you can feel it in the air here.

Yesterday we mowed the lawn in the back yard and planted some grass seed in the bare spots that had developed back there earlier in the summer.

While the mowing was going on, I was cutting up some of the branches of the lilac bush we had taken out.

It was warm, but not like summer warm...something cooler about the air even tho' the sun feels warm.

At the end of the working we could sit on the porch and talk about the projects we need to do next like replacing some of the trim on the tool shed and getting a coat of paint on it before the snow season starts. I'll probably have to repaint the door on the storage shed too....

Its nice tho to be able to work outside without fear of sunstroke....

I like fall. I know its the end of summer, but it has always felt like a beginning too, and I think that may have to do with our training as children....the fall was the beginning of school. This year fall is the beginning of new projects too.

So, I'm watching now for the leaves to start falling off the trees....

The reward of hard work.....

sometimes is getting paid to do it!

I spent several hours yesterday with my accounting client, and will have to spend some time at home working on some things for him.....for instance, the August bank statement needs my attention.

Its amazing to me how all of the seemingly random tasks that I did for 30 years in the corporate world have suddenly taken on a new meaning. All those little details picked up by doing payables, receivables, payroll, inventory, cost accounting.....just seemed like jobs at the time.

I now have the chance to make sense of all of that with some logical plan for my client and a reasonable explanation of every change that needs to be made...for instance: why you never throw away a time card; why you don't throw away a voided check; why you keep a file cabinet with employee records locked; and a dozen other little things that don't matter to a really little business with no employees, but can be a major issue once you become even an LLC

And so, today I'm being thankful for having learned all of those things that are now, at a time when I really need it, being translated into what my daughter so gleefully describes as "billable hours"......cashing that first check (which I received yesterday) will be sweet!

Not being able to avoid...

the question of the day....where were you 5 years ago?

Well, I remember it clearly, my daughter had gone off to college not a month before and was 1000 miles away, and we believed we had just sold our house, so I was packing boxes that day.

My husband had to be at work at the usual early hour, so we were up, and had CNN on the TV. I had just let the dog out the back door when the second plane hit...and I remember saying to my husband, "something is going on in New York"....now that was a masterpiece of understatement!

I hear people talk about how sad they were (or still are), but I admit I went right to the "seeing red" stage, being totally outraged that this had happened.

So, am I the strange one? I guess it might be one of my ways of dealing with difficult things......perhaps rage is more acceptable than tears......perhaps not.

One thing for certain, I'm still mad 5 years later, but mad at other things ... that we have done practically nothing successful to find Osama, that in order to go into a stadium I have to be searched, and I will never fly again because I cannot be sure I would be able to endure what it takes quietly

I believe what one of our founding fathers said: When we give up our freedom to be secure, we are neither free or safe!

listening for a calling.....

When I started this blog, the idea was that it would be somewhere apart from the studio stuff where I could just rant/ramble/babble about whatever was on my mind.

For the most part it has served that purpose well, and brought about a rather interesting group of comments, even from folks that I didn't know were reading it.

So, today, a bit of personal and/or spiritual thought

First of all, I think I'm a scripural snob.

Lets begin with I'm old ... old enough that the King James Version of the Bible is the one that "sounds right" ... I understand that God is multi-lingual, hears and answers in all languages, but to me the "language of prayer" will always be that older English style. There is more poetry and perhaps some sense of being invited into something special and different from the everyday world, and that seems to be the right thing for worship.

So, last evening, as I was listening to the reading from Isaiah, I had this sense that something was missing.....this morning I opened my old KJV and read the passage there......and understood what inspired yet another piece of Messiah

Anyway, back to the listening for a calling subject....I would like to be more involved with something at the Church. I know that some of my family has been able to serve by singing, but that does not appear to be in the cards for me. The Church has many groups right now that are looking for teachers of adults, teens and children, but I do not feel qualified to do that. So, this week, as I read in my old KJV, I will try to listen too.......

Paper dolls, artist bios and history according to bloggers

I mailed them off today. Two sheets of dolls and clothes, a background art sheet and the hardest part, the artist bio. Now we just wait and see if they "meet muster" and actually get used.

I've been thinking about the difference in the way history will be viewed from now on. Traditionally, history is written by the victors. After all, one man's patriot is another man's insurgent.

The papers are full of articles about 9/11 again as we approach 5 years out. This will be another one of those dates that those of us that were alive will forever be able to tell exactly where we were and what we were doing. (For people my age, other such days were when John Kennedy, Martin Luther King Jr, and Bobby Kennedy were shot. For my parents its Pearl Harbor and D Day as well).

Because of the internet and the growing blog culture, there is much more "history" that is the personal reconciliation of the common man. I think that is a good thing, and it is definately more interesting than memorizing names and dates and battles. It gives history a feel of the impact on individual lives.

Blog on my friends! Blog on!!

and another new "job"

While I was reading one of the magazines I get, a letter to the editor wanted to know if they were going to be printing any paperdolls anytime soon.

I decided to be bold and wrote the editor an email referencing that letter and asking if they would be interested in do so and if they would like to see some that I had done.

SHOCK! They said yes!! So, I'm busy creating the original art work they want and it needs to be in the mail on Wednesday for the deadline on the Christmas issue.

Oh joy!! I might actually get paid to draw and color!!! YIPPEE!!

Ok, enough foolishness, back to the "drawing board"!!