wherein we talk about how cyber space is like junior high school

I've been thinking about a couple of things the past few weeks, and have finally decided that I have sufficiently analyzed some recent personal experiences to be able to write about them.

Part of this thought process began when our local newspapers began writing about the movie Bully.

I am concerned about this subject on several levels:
I am a grandmother that is aware that this is an issue that may impact my grandson
I am the mother of a beautiful woman that was bullied in junior high school and because she communicated well with me, I was able to help her fight back
and I was a victim of bullies as a child -- which I think made me more aware of the need to keep watch on what was happening to my daughter

But I can also say that the phenomenon does not disappear when we leave the school yard.

During the 30 plus years that I worked in corporate jobs I saw bosses practice bullying on employees. One man I worked for had a favorite sport of selecting someone at the staff meeting and grilling them about every minor error they had ever made. Witnessing that kind of public humiliation made me ever vigilant about documenting everything I was ever asked to do. It also made it difficult for me to ever trust that I was safe at work.

For the past 10 years I've had the pleasure of not answering to a corporate boss. As an artist I must be responsive to deadlines if I choose to enter a competition or an art show, but for the most part I work on what I want to work on, when I want to work on it.

A while back I started selling my pieces in an on line store, and joined some groups there. My motivation for this was to have a forum to discuss both the art form and to hopefully gain some insight into how to better sell my work.

And this is where I experienced the fact that regardless the age group involved, the Internet can feel very much like junior high school did.

In my junior high school there were what was called "slam books" -- little bundles of notebook paper that had a persons name written at the top of each page that were passed around so everyone could write what they thought of the person. This was a two edged sword -- you got cut when classmates wrote terrible things about you, and you got cut when you weren't included in the circuit of people passing them around.

I got a little taste of that feeling that humiliation again when I made a comment in the wrong forum and in the flack that followed I was told that I was behaving in a passive/aggressive manner and in general made to feel that the safest thing I could do was withdraw from any discussion.

In fact, I felt so attacked that I actually put my shops and my blog on vacation for a long weekend so I could allow the psychological gashes to scab over.

This week someone else has been the target of this. I have commented only a little because those gashes are just beginning to heal -- but I also feel like a bit of a coward -- should I be saying more?

I'll be thinking on this more I'm sure.

wherein we wonder why people come to work sick (and other imponderables)

on Monday morning we headed off to our doctor's office so the DH could have some blood work done

we arrived about half an hour after the office opened and there was someone in getting blood work done, and another lady (elderly, on oxygen) waiting to have blood work

we waited

about 15 minutes later the DH was called in

I waited

and waited

finally he came out -- she had not been able to do the draw -- couldn't find a vein and wanted him to go to the Urgent Care to have the work done

except then his hand was a mess -- sore and bruised from the fishing around with a needle looking for a vein

and the person doing the blood drawing was clearly sick -- sounded terrible

so tell me, why would someone who is going to be where people with compromised immune systems are going to be come to work when they are sick

I was pretty annoyed about it at them time -- both because of the whole exposing people to your germs issue, but because she made a mess of the back of the DH's hand (and because we now have to figure out where he actually can have the blood draw done that the insurance company will pay for it)

and this morning even more annoyed because I feel like I'm coming down with a cold

GRRRR!

searching for this year's direction

today's ruminate is a Jacob Sheep -- an ancient (yeah, THAT Jacob, as in Biblical) breed that has two sets of amazing horns and a really great fleece that has several colors in it

he's been chosen for this year's series of "ruminations" just because I recently spent some time carding some of this fleece so I can do some spinning (to be followed with some knitting -- and felting)

but back to the point

on one of my email lists, there has been a great deal of discussion the past week on the choosing of a word for the year -- the point being to have a focus and direction for one's artistic pursuits for the year -- it's kind of like making New Year's resolutions

it has been interesting reading

and at this point, I have no idea what sort of word I would choose

I am thinking about direction, however

a year ago I was thinking about trying to find a way to have the opportunity to do a solo show of my work somewhere

little did I realize that a year later I would have had my work on display in two different branch libraries within less than a year of expressing that idea

which leaves me in the "searching for an achievable goal" mode right now

who knew what actually achieving your goal would set up

I need to think about this a while longer

chew on this

I've been fusing the last couple of days about the lack of sales in my Etsy store

it's discouraging to put in the work, try to do what everyone tells you you're supposed to do and have none of it work

this morning someone on one of my mailing lists was talking about waking up and finding that she had 9 sales out of her shop -- wow!

of course I went right away to see what she was doing -- heh, well -- price things at under $100 then offer a 25% off sale with free shipping

right

nuts

do you ever wonder if you're just not ever going to figure it out?

on the other hand, this morning I heard that something I had sent to someone as a gift has been the source of encouragement in a difficult time

now that's a good thing

further ruminating

when last we saw our hero -- heh, yeah

in our ongoing ruminate photos, here we have 3 Suffolk sheep

when I posted here last I was talking about the new Etsy store I had been putting things in

now that it has been open for a while, I've begun to think I really need to keep both of the Etsy stores open -- the new one will continue to be where I list my jewelry and bead work, the other one will be where I put my fiber art

this will take a bit more work, and I'm still thinking about it, but I'm pretty sure that's where its going

with the hope that I can actually sell some things that way

back to ruminating

with sheep

in the past couple of weeks I've been posting things in my new Etsy shop in an attempt to sell some of my creations

most of what I've posted has been my jewelry, and as a result of some "fiddlin' around", I've been invited to join a juryed team on Etsy -- all entirely new territory

there is a certain amount of panic involved in this

partly because it means I've spent a lot more time doing computer work and I'm concerned about actually getting any creative work done

its all about balance -- and its long been known that I'm "a bubble off plumb" (heh, right!)

also because I'm worried about balancing the bead work with the art quilts -- both of which are extremely satisfying to work on, give me an opportunity to create art, and take up lots of time

I'm trying to hang on to a quote that was on a book mark my daughter gave me a while back --

"Its never to late be be what you might have been"

I'm tying a knot here to hang on to ----

baaaaaa

this could have been titled "Ruminating V", since (as my daughter recently pointed out to me) sheep are ruminates too

but "baaaaaaa" seems to be a more appropriate title for this post

WARNING: this post contains whining!! if you are faint of heart, turn away now!

I spent this morning writing all the bills (except the utilities, for which the bill has not yet arrived) for the month

and after doing all the calculations I figure we have about $150 in our account to cover gas, groceries, dog food, RX and whatever else we need to have between now and May 25 -- 22 days hence when we get paid again

I had been carefully saving up little bits of cash for months so I would have a bit of money to use when I attend the SAQA conference up in Denver -- good thing I did because that will probably buy groceries for the rest of the month -- but I'm totally pissed that it will have to go there

and why are we here again?

one $400 car repair and my total inability to sell any of my work anywhere

(and that doesn't even include the fact that our dishwasher has died too, and since that would be probably another $300 plus to replace, I'm back 30 years ago, hand washing the dishes)

sometimes I wonder why I even keep making stuff, but since its that or just sit in front of the TV and turn into a turnip, I think its preferable -- maybe

sure wish I could figure this out

the Civil War -- from a more personal point of view

one of the most amazing things about doing family history is that you get a lot more personal view of the bigger picture

this week there have been a lot of things in the news about the 150th anniversary of the beginning of the Civil War

like one in seven people in this country, I have a direct line connection to someone that fought in that conflict

his name was Sloman White -- that's him there, sitting in the middle chair

his wife, Mathilda Caroline Earp White, is on his left -- his sons, Andrew Jackson and Thomas Benton (wish I knew which one was which) standing behind him and his youngest daughter, Tennessee is sitting there on his right

he volunteered to the Confederate army (and served in a unit from Arkansas under his brother-in-law) even though he was older than the age of the men who were being conscripted

his unit fought at Shiloh in March, 1862, and he was discharged at Corinth, Mississippi, shortly after that for "illness" -- rather he was part of the measles outbreak that infected many of the troops there I do not know

I do know that at the time he joined the service, he and most of his family lived in Polk County, Arkansas

and I know that when he returned there, he signed an Oath of Allegiance to the Union

his sister refused to speak to him after that, and not long after that he moved his wife and children to Washington County, Arkansas, and had no contact with the Polk County group again

how do I know this?

because he lived until 1920 and claimed his veteran's pension and I was able to get the records

but what little I know only raises a million more questions in my head

"Civil" war indeed

Rumminating IV -- taking stock

a lot of people review and make resolutions on New Year's Eve

I've never been good at doing that, but around this time of the year I usually do a sort of mental review

this year seems especially momentous for this purpose

today is my birthday -- I'm 60 years old -- the age I remember my grandmother being and certainly not an age I've ever imagined myself being

I can say that aside from my body reminding me that I'm not 20 any more, I'm not unhappy with that number

10 years into being retired from the corporate world, I can finally say I feel like I've made the transition from that daily grind to something more in keeping with what I enjoy doing

so here are the main points of where I am

1. am I an artist or a craftsman? I'm now comfortable with saying I'm an artist, and acknowledging that being a good craftsman was a necessary step in that direction -- being comfortable with the materials and processes of working with them is an important step in being able to say I am an artist

2. abstract or representational? still in the representational area -- I have really enjoyed doing the landscape or pictorial pieces in the last year, and I have a lot more of them calling from my head to be worked on (although I do have one abstract percolating in there too)

3. process or product? Yes! many of the pieces begin because I have at least a vague idea in my head of what I want it to look like when I get finished, but recently I did a whole piece just because I had the opportunity to learn how to work with a new medium

4. wearing my art? this has been a new question -- for the most part when I make a new piece of jewelry I don't wear it because it is my intention to try to sell it -- but when I do wear some of my work (for instance the repurposed shirt that won a blue ribbon at the state fair) I get very positive feedback -- I still need to work on this idea and be willing to make a few things specifically for myself

so where does it go from here?

more pieces entered in competition is the road to success I think -- which means I also need to get into the studio and actually make (or finish) some more pieces

and to continue to connect with other artists

things are looking good!

Ruminating III -- embroidery or thread painting?

this seems to be an ongoing series

of cows that is

it just seems so appropriate when I'm discussing things that are little bits of thought that I've been turning over and over in my head

mooooooo, moooooooo



I've been working on a competition entry for the Hoffman Fabric Challenge

last year's entry (the first one I had ever done) made the traveling show, which in a way makes the creating of this year's entry even a little more intimidating -- big things to live up to after all

so along the way I'm using some different techniques

like this one

there has been a lot of discussion among art quilters about the use of what they call "thread painting" as a technique for embellishment on a quilt

"thread painting" is done on the sewing machine, but it requires a foot for the machine that I don't have (and that is a pretty pricey item)

I did this this sample piece by hand

it looks like thread painting

the process felt like embroidery to me, but with quilting thread instead of embroidery floss (which actually was less of a hassle and allowed me to put the rows of stitches closer together)

so, when I fill in the entry form there will be the question of what do I call it?

since the competition makes no differentiation between hand work and machine work, I guess I can still call it thread painting

and in the long run I don't think it matters what I call it so much as rather I execute it properly

Ruminating II - what's in a name?

today's cow picture courtesy of the local newspaper

moo two!

seriously though, one of the email lists I belong to has had an ongoing discussion about blogs and websites and businesses and what name you should use

this is a subject I've spent some time thinking about

back in the early 1980s when I first needed to register for a sales tax license there really wasn't anyone to discuss this with --- I liked the sound of the name Esmerldas (it was part of a John Denver song lyric), no one else had registered it in the jurisdiction I was registering it in, so I took it

because it isn't specific in terms of what the "product" is, it has been easy to use it for all the many art adventures we've been involved in -- mohair bears, jewelry, clothing, web design, art quilts -- just about everything

it has also been nice to be able to put the work that both the DH and I do under one "brand" instead of having two and the attendant duplicate paperwork

one of the discussion topics on that email list has been the idea of using your own name because people will be able to find you by putting in your name

that's a good idea perhaps, but I'm forever having to SPELL my name to people because they want to spell it with an "e" and 2 "r"s

what's the difference if I'm spelling my name or my business name to folks?

so there you go

guess I'll be keeping the name -- which means I really, REALLY, need to do something about the content on that website

and another thought -- perhaps its time to create an Etsy shop that carries the same name too

I feel the onset of more ruminating

ruminating

I know -- "moooooo"

every now and then its a good idea to step back and try to figure out where we're going

I tend to get the cart before the horse sometimes - it kind of fits with my style -- as in "let's learn to play the piano with Moonlight Sonata"

and I think in some ways the pressure of finances sometimes makes me want to jump into the "lets see if we can sell this stuff" stage before I've had time to fine tune the process

so I'm trying to be patient and do this art quilt thing the right way

keep creating things, trying new techniques, learning how to use new mediums in them and entering shows or competitions with them to get feedback

and put a few of the better ones on Etsy -- especially the smaller ones, just to see if there is any interest

just keep doing the work and maybe, just maybe, there will be someone that finds it

I've been distracted by the idea of maybe selling a pattern or two, but putting those together takes time away from the other work that I want to be doing, so I will be listing those patterns that I've already put together, but probably won't do any more, at least for now

and I want to be part of SAQA's Visioning Project -- which means I need to set a goal that is defined enough to actually be doable

yup, need to chew on this cud a while longer

will I ever figure this out?

one of these pieces of jewelry is my work, priced at $50, available on my website for sale

the other piece was done by someone else, priced at $400 (!) available through a catalog that I received in the mail a couple of days ago

ok, it's not that my designs are so far off the wall that they aren't good enough for a catalog to the general public

sure wish I could figure this one out

Christmas Memory

you're probably asking your self just what these two pictures have to do with each other

one of the clearest memories I have of Christmas as a child was when my day would bring home a box of chocolate cherries --

I have always loved that combination

when I was in the store the other day I spotted this bag of cherry cordial m&ms

I just couldn't resist buying a bag to check them out

mmmmmmmmm

I'll be buying my dad one of these for Christmas this year

(yeah, that's him, there in the sailor suit!)

thinking about new directions

yesterday we made a trip to a craft show

we went with a purpose -- to find a stone cutter who has done some work for us in the past (I had a large chunk of turquoise I want him to cut for me), and to visit with friends that we knew were going to be there

I haven't done a show in almost 2 years

and while I really can not get excited about doing outdoor summer shows, the idea of an indoor show is a possibility

while we were there I talked with several fiber artists who were doing some interesting things as well as some painters

there didn't seem to be as much jewelry as there has been in the past either, which I found rather interesting -- perhaps that craze has burned itself out

so I'm now considering the idea of doing this show next year

and taking some of my small quilted pieces as well as some of my wearables (the small, "Colorado Beach Glass" pieces, etc.)

certainly that would give me the chance to get some feedback on new stuff

it would give me someplace to perhaps sell some of the "experimental" pieces that I'm thinking about doing to learn some new techniques -- and it might generate a commission or two, which would be worth while

I will continue to think about this -- especially if the items I currently have in a store show are well received

oh yeah, and I'm thinking about MOO cards too

Representational or abstract, original or derivative?

I'll be doing a trunk show for my local quilt guild in January, so I'm starting to think about what I will say in that hour or so that I will have

as a member of SAQA I've read with interest the recent posts on the email list about art -- the cycles of what is "in fashion" between representational art or abstract art and the whole question of doing original versus derivative work

everything we create stands on the shoulders of our experiences and our learning

like technology, art comes out of what others before us have created

I will admit that I personally like representational pieces -- for me most abstract art is like progressive jazz -- created solely for the pleasure of the person making it -- but I will admit that a piece of art that is based on something like a leaf examined so close you can see every tiny texture but blown up to cover a wall has its own abstract but recognizable form

perhaps that is my real stumbling block -- recognizing -- my brain likes to be able to put a label on what I see

standing at the intersection of art and politics

I try to keep my art and my politics separated

and I definitely don't talk about my politics on my art blog

but in this particular case the two have intersected

this piece of art work is titled "Coexist"

it is entirely fabric, using a number of techniques

I created it for a project called The Dream Rocket where a replica of a Saturn V rocket will be covered with 24x24 inch panels all created by folks all over the country

the instruction was to create a panel that represents your dream of the future

all those little "paper doll" shaped figures on my piece are all different colors to represent every race, and the embroidered symbols are for male, female, handicapped, Islam, Buddhist, Agnostic, Jewish, Pagan, Christian, Hindu, Confucian and Shinto

the quilting over the surface consists of one word "COEXIST"

politics of late has been really, REALLY, ugly

so much hate, so many lies, so little being done to actually make things better -- I just wish we would learn to coexist

and this week we all get a chance once again to have our say in what happens in our country

are we going to just keep on screaming at each other

calling each other names

threatening each other and even hurting each other

how did we get to this place?

I went already and voted as we have early voting here

I strongly urge you to vote too

cast a vote to take us to where we can coexist!

F a a a l l l l l i n g

just like the leaves

the money arrived in my PayPal account yesterday afternoon

this morning I spent it

I signed up for the Visioning Conference with SAQA in May

Oh.My.Goodness!

remember that mountain I was talking about standing on the edge of?

I jumped! (with the help of a healthy push)

I'm doing a happy dance here while we're in the free fall

Baby Steps

and just where will those baby steps down the path and out the gate take me?

well, let us begin by saying THANK YOU a hundred times over (or more) to my sister for her offer to help with the cost of the conference in the spring -- it is so amazing (once again) to have her do this for me

(so am I holding up my end of this deal? I'm not sure, but I try by doing what I can for other people -- and this could be a whole (LONG) post on it's own)

right after I wrote the post about the conference I also had a lengthy phone conversation with a friend in California

she has a BA in fine art and was for many years a certified teacher (she's quit renewing her license now -- she's 80 -- no more high school class rooms for her!!)

so she's teaching a group of her daughter's co-workers about art -- a little informal group of ladies that get together about once a month

I'm now "signed up" to do this class by correspondence -- during our conversation she told me what this month's assignments are as well as what they did in class

I'll be doing the work and mailing it to her, then we'll talk some more

COOL!
so, I'm thinking at some point this photo may become the starting point for a small quilted piece (which will probably then get donated some where)


meantime, I've been wrestling with two opposing points of view -- can I be happy doing only a few pieces every year and continue to do them entirely by hand, or do I want to do more pieces which will mean that at least some of the work will need to be done on the machine?

or do I truly have to do only one or the other? probably this will end up being one from column A and two from column B (and with six we get egg roll?)

one of the other things I've been struggling with on the SAQA University is the whole "WIKI" thing -- I've never used one, so I'm a little hesitant about it -- but I had a conversation with my daughter in the last couple of days and I'm feeling better about it -- she had used it for a project at work and her comment was "mom, you figured out Blogger and FaceBook, you can do Wiki!"-- so I'll be jumping in to that too

and I've decided that it's time to stop being in "lurk" mode on the email list for SAQA -- if I'm going to get the answers to my specific questions, I have to ASK them (who knew?!)

look out! here I come!!

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

yes, I know -- it's a bumper sticker -- and it ought to be on the back of my car

this was a tumultuous summer -- the quilt I thought would be a winner at the State Fair didn't even make the final cut, while the quilt I sent off on a whim thinking there was no way a first time entrant would ever get in made it to the Hoffman Challenge National Traveling Show

over my life time I've been very, very good at starting things that require a lot of concentrated effort, but not so good at finishing them -- college for example, and the program for being a master weaver, and....and... -- you get my point

part of the issue is that I want to run before I can crawl -- I don't have a lot of patience for sitting through a class when I've already covered/learned the material somewhere else just to get the credit hours

( I taught myself to play the piano -- and to play Moonlight Sonata just by playing it over and over and over)

I also have this need to be patted on the head frequently by someone other than family -- I like being told my stuff is good -- and only more recently have I been receptive to hearing constructive critique of what I'm doing

last spring I joined the Studio Art Quilt Association -- I had seen the work of some of their members and it felt like the kind of work that I was headed toward

they have a truly awesome website that includes PDF files of every newsletter/journal they have ever printed (which I'm slowly reading my way through) and an area called The University which I am trying to figure out

they have two levels of memberships -- the artist member (pay your dues and join) and the professional artist member (PAM - where you are juried in) -- I like this idea, and I especially like the part where it talks about how to determine if you are PAM material -- I think I am, but I find I have no idea how to get to the suggested guidelines for qualifying

and there is the Visioning Project -- which is literally a mentoring program which you can sign up for and they will help you get where you want to go

I want to sign up for the Visioning Project -- and I'm afraid to sign up for it -- I don't want to fail again and I fear that although I've done some of the preparatory work that I'm actually going to be in way over my head and it would be good if that mentor was actually someone right here within visiting reach but I doubt if it will be

oh yes, and next May, right here in the state I live in, there will be a 3 day conference that is open to all SAQA members that might help get me started -- $300 -- it might well be the only such conference I can reasonably expect to ever attend since it is right here and I won't have to have a hotel or large travel expenses

so I'm standing on that edge of the mountain thinking "don't look down, don't look down", but not quite ready to leap (and thinking about trying to raise that $300!!!)