are we out of focus here?

over on my studio blog someone commented the other day that they didn't know how I could work on so many different things at once.

it's that whole issue of focus

as in, I have a very hard time doing that

and thus has it ever been -- in fact it is that inability to focus continuously on one thing that has brought me to realize that I will never write the world's great novel

writing anything longer than a letter to a friend or a blog post requires more focus than comes naturally to me, and at this point in my life I don't see the advantage to it

I want to try things

lots of things that have to do with art

which means one successful project leads to experimenting with another -- then another -- until what the original project was is completely lost but I've found half a dozen others that are successful too

I've learned over the past two or three years to stop beating myself up about that

not that I don't regret from time to time not having focused while I was in the corporate world -- if I'd done that I might have an income and (gasp!) maybe even health insurance now

but then as now, I didn't have the patience for the "ordinaryness" of it -- once I'd done it once, I wanted to move on to something else -- not do the same thing over and over and over

the one place I was able to focus was in trying to keep my daughter on track -- food on the table, roof over the head and telling her not to make my mistakes --- I think I did a pretty good job of that (not to brag on myself here, but she's pretty damned awesome!)

so, about this time of year I think about this whole issue (my birthday's coming, what have I accomplished, blah, blah, blah)

this year I'm feeling okay with that

I'm making art, we're surviving financially -- at least for today, and right now neither one of us has any new major health issues -- its a whole new definition of success

I'll take it