considering the "why bother" factor

I've been doing the thing I loathe most in the whole world this morning -- summarizing the month's expenditures and trying to figure out where the money will go in the next month.

Yesterday we got the notice from the company the DH retired from, telling us what the new cost of insurance for him will be for next year. It went up by 22%.

In fact, what we will have to lay out every month for the foreseeable future just for medical expenses is going up 53% beginning in January.

Great -- now someone tell me again how you can keep up with costs climbing 53% when your income remains flat.

I've been trying to clean out books and things by listing them either on Ebay or Amazon, but that has not raised much.

Don't even talk to me about doing a show to sell my art -- I have no idea where the money would come from to do one, and doing one that doesn't generate a profit would be a financial disaster.

Someone explain to me what good forgiveness is if you can never recover from your mistake.

confessions of a recovering procrastinator

You may recall that yesterday I was talking about self sabotage.

If I had actually tried to get the listing done BEFORE I wrote that post, it would have been more about the "I feel like an idiot" factor.

I spent several very frustrating hours yesterday afternoon trying to get a store set up on a new artist's website.

It was the same issue I've had with similar sites before --- I just couldn't figure out how to create a banner that would fit the size requirements both ways --- I could get the height right, or I could get the width right, but not both at the same time.

Finally I just gave up and put the computer away (before I was tempted to shove it off the table!)

This morning I was fiddling around in another program on my desk top machine and had one of those "what does this button do" moments (pretty much everything I know about any kind of graphics program has been discovered that way).

Quite by accident I found a button in Adobe that would let me modify both aspects of a file AT THE SAME TIME!! Oh joy!!

And while the new banner isn't real exciting, it does exactly match the graphics I am currently using both on my studio blog and on my website, which is exactly what I had in mind --- that whole "branding" thing

So, the new "shop" is set up -- you can take a look by clicking here, and I'm feeling much smarter for now (I'm sure there is a new hurdle right around the corner!)

self sabotage?

Isn't he cute?

I finished him the day before yesterday.

I have every intention of getting him out on a site (somewhere) and making him available for sale

You know what they say about intentions? As in the road to hell is paved with good ones?

So yesterday, day one of "he's finished, let's get him listed", I had a bunch of packages to get ready to go out from Ebay and Amazon sales, and I didn't get him out there.

And today? Well, no packages, but instead of getting up when the dog woke me the first time, I went back to sleep and didn't get up until 8:00 -- which is WAY late in my world, usually reserved for days when I'm sick.

(You know, actually sick, not just vaguely achy because the weather has changed - AGAIN - and the ol' bones are creakin')

So here it is, after 10 am, and I need to go get some breakfast, and I am now in day two of "he's finished, let's get him listed".

I'm trying hard here to make a change in a longstanding pattern of putting off what is unpleasant and/or difficult until it can not be avoided.

So, I'm going to get some breakfast, then I'm going to get on my laptop and see if I can't get this done!

is this an actual answer?

this card arrived in the mail yesterday

I didn't recognize the name on the return address label, so I had a few minutes of "what? who?" as I walked from the mailbox to the house where I could properly open it up

(ok, I could have just ripped, but no, it's one of my "monk like" things -- no jagged ripped envelopes in my files!)

Inside the card a note apologizing for the delay in getting my prize money to me as the president of the Royal Gorge Quilt Council had been on vacation.

HUH?

I didn't even know I had won this prize.

So I went back online to the State Fair premium book and looked up all of the extra prizes that were being offered by different organizations for catagories in the fair.

And there it was ---

In memory of Maggie Langil. Addie Allison, Rosella Neilsen and Beth Micklejohn the Royal Gorge Quilt Council offers $25.00 for the 1st Place winner in...Class 414 Quilt, applique, hand quilted.

I'm speachless -- this was the quilt that won the blue ribbon

--- the quilt that was moved from one catagory to another without them asking me (something that will never happen again -- I'm told -- because I made a fuss about it)

uh, no wonder I didn't know about the extra prize


Even stranger, this is the second time in two weeks that I have been rewarded for this part of my art work --- last week I signed and sent off the contract to do a trunk show about my art quilts

So, at least for the moment, I seem to be getting a sort of confirmation that this is a direction worth going in

amazing

....about that fund raising....

I don't usually post anything on this blog that talks about selling my art or anything else, but right now I'm using anything I can to raise a little money to help offset those medical bills.

So, as I've been cleaning out my large stash of books, I've decided that anything I can't list on Amazon will be going directly to the front page of my website under the catagory "Garage Sale"

If you're interested in browsing, just click on the garage sale sign and hop on over to see what's available.

(and I'll be adding more!)

Rant Mode

Have I mentioned lately that I think the health care system in this country is broken?

Just as I suspected would happen, the phone calls have begun from the hospital regarding the payment of the bill.

Last month they called and wanted to know about payment and I asked them if they had billed the insurance company yet (after all it had been over 60 days since the surgery) and they said no, they hadn't billed because the insurance company had refused to pay on the June outpatient procedure.

HELLO? The July thing was NOT outpatient --- they needed to bill it!

Ok, so this month I got the billing for the June thing (which I had already been paying on) and a different billing, with a different account number, for the July thing.

I wrote small checks on both accounts and sent them in along with a letter asking if they would please combine the accounts and I would continue paying on them.

So yesterday I got the call.

Hospital: We need to work out a payment plan
Me: I'm making a payment on this every month
Hospital: We're rolling out a new policy, we used to require payment within 4 months, now we're stretching it out to 15 months
Me: Are you going to combine the accounts?
Hospital: No, we can't do that
Me: So you're going to want me to pay this new amount on both acccounts every month?
Hospital: Yes, that's our policy.

(let me point out here that their new amount is about twice as much as I had been sending them each month, and now they want that amount on each account, which amounts to about 4 times what I had been paying)

Me: So what happens if I can't pay that amount?
Hospital: The bill will go to collections.
Me: And if I agree to this and then at some point I can't pay it what will happen?
Hospital: The bill will go to collections.

I agreed to their payment plan, but I can almost bet that at some point I'm going to get sent to collections.

We're not getting a raise next year because it's been decided that the cost of living has gone down (HA!), so at some point I'll probably have to decide which is more important --- paying for the ongoing monthly medications that are needed or making that unreasonable payment.

Sure could use some "fund raising" ideas

Blogland is a Small World

This post could also have been titled "Cue the Twilight Zone Music"

Back in another lifetime (we're talking 1970s and 1980s) I worked in Silicon Valley.

For several years I shared those 8 hours a day (or more) with a great gal named Roberta. We did quilting projects together. She taught me to spin, I shared what I knew of weaving, we did natural dye classes together in the Santa Cruz mountains with a great teacher named Ann in the yard of a house that was over 100 years old. We shared victories of finding family members in our searching of family history.

Life happens

Starting in 1989 we were like gypsies (we moved 7 times in 3 years across 3 states)

Roberta moved out of California too

Shortly after I retired and we moved back to Colorado I got a phone call from Roberta's daughter, telling me that she had passed on --- it was a shock

Back on October 3 I wrote a post here where I discussed my sense of returning to activities that I had enjoyed before.

In that post I spoke about a woman in California that writes a blog that I read almost every day (when I miss a day I go back and catch up!). Yesterday it occurred to me that since she lives in the Silicon Valley area and she shares some similar interests (her blog is titled (Spin Dye Knit) that at some time she may have known Roberta too, or heard of the spinning group she had been part of, so I sent her an email and asked.

This morning I got an email back -- not only had she heard of the group, she was part of it, and yes, she knew Roberta.

As I said, Blogland is a small, small world --- now, cue the Twilight Zone music

And weirder still? My sister (who in the past 6 months or so has gotten interested in Family History and drug me back into it) is the one that told me about Spin Dye Knit in the first place because she reads it.

I'm breathless!

Ok, I'm working on it

As I said in my last post here, I have been asked to do a Trunk Show, and I'm in the process of thinking about what all that entails.

I used "the google" and found out that trunk shows actually began in the fashion industry, where a designer would pack up the new designs in a trunk (hence the title) and schlepp them from boutique to boutique to sell the year's orders.

I had a conversation with my sister over the weekend about this. And even though she is still recovering from the flu (poor baby, she can't get the shots as she is allergic to eggs and she counts on all us other folks to do so --- and someone she came into contact just didn't do that for her), she was willing to share her experience of attending a trunk show with me.

So here is what she said she has heard discussed at trunk shows (by quilters, that is):

1. how did the artist get started doing this
2. what is the process the artist uses to do the work
3. how has the artist's work progressed from the beginning works to current ones
4. where does the artist get the ideas for the work
5. who and what is the artist's inspiration
6. what is the artist's philosophy about the work

Sounds like the beginning of an outline to me

who me?

It has been an amazingly strange week.

On Tuesday I went into the local fabric store to pick up a couple of quilt batts for tops that were ready and some other odds and ends and I got into a conversation with one of the assistant managers in the store.

By the end of the conversation she knew that I make art quilts, she had invited me to a meeting of the quilt guild that she is president of, and had asked me if I would come and talk at her guild about art quilts.

Last night I went and visited the guild meeting, met some really fun ladies and was told that the program chairman would "mail me a contract" for my "trunk show"

Reality (and a bit of panic) is beginning to set in. Who me? "TRUNK SHOW"?!

Ok, I have a bit of time to think about it, and maybe someone who has ever been to one of these things can tell me what is expected --- please?

Meantime, this week I have sort of figured out that the phase of my artistic life that involved making teddy bears has passed. (In the words of Carlye Simon "that part of our life together is over").

While I have enjoyed that, and it has brought me some monetary rewards and some great friends, what I am interested in and drawn to now has changed, and the collector base has changed, and those shows are how 1)far away and 2)expensive to do

I would rather put the money to shows where I can sell those things that are my current passion

This also means that shortly I will probably be selling off some of my fabrics and supplies for bear making --- so I can get materials for other things

like I said, it's been a strange week

when watching TV is a good thing

Usually in the evening I work on quilting and knitting while I'm comfortably seated in my recliner in front of the TV.

Some nights the TV is just noise or light entertainment.

Last night was one of those rare occasions when what was on TV actually slowed down the process of the projects.

Since the presidental campaign we have been in the habit of watching Keith Olbermann's show in the evenings (it comes on right at dinner time for us). One of my favorite things is when he does a special comment.

If you are not familiar with him, his show or the special comment, these are the TV media's equivalant of the featured editorial column in the newspaper. He takes on issues of the day that strike him as important and speaks out in a very personal and opinionated way.

Most of the time when I watch these, I agree with him and cheer him on.

Last night he was talking about health care -- not just in the short 5 minute version of a special comment as he usually does, but for a WHOLE HOUR!

While he was talking I was alternately shouting and crying.

Talking about fear -- bad enough that you worry about what the diagnosis will be, but then, especially if you are minimally insured, you worry about how you will ever pay for it. (I remember an interview with a woman during the August town hall meetings where she said "why have the mammogram if you can't afford the cancer?" -- chilling!)

I can not begin to convey the power of what he said, so if you haven't seen it, use this link and go take a look -- or read the text of what he said, although hearing him talk about his father is much more effective.

And Olbermann's show was not the only "stop you in your tracks" show last night.

Later in the evening we flipped over to PBS, where they were showing an episode in their Craft in America series.

One of the artists they interviewed for this episode was a print maker, and they actually showed him at work creating one of the wood block prints. They showed how he uses tracing paper over his original drawing then flips it over to make the imprint on the wood he will carve --- it gave me goosebumps as that is exactly the same process I use when I create one of the stamps that I use -- no one taught me to do this, I just sort of did it -- and he talked about that self same journey of discovery.

I can't wait to see more of the episodes in this year's series.

Slowly I turned

For most of the time since I retired from my corporate job, I have been trying to figure out who the "new me" is.

After all, the way I had defined myself for years before had been where I worked, and as my daughter's mother.

Suddenly both of those identities had been swept away in the sense that I was no longer employed, and my daughter had actually grown up and become her own independent woman.

So what was I supposed to do with the next 30 or so years?

It has been a slow and many times painful journey.

And since I began blogging almost three years ago, I have used this space to talk about the things that have just needed to be blurted out.

In the past few months I have sensed something different -- a sort of returning to things that I had been interested in before and just after my college days -- a returning to the fiber arts and the writing.

Along the way I have found others who, through their own blogs, have turned my thoughts in new ways to those old themes.

One of those blogs is written by a woman who lives in the area of California that we left when we retired. We share a number of things -- and when I read her blog and get a little glimpse into her world I am reminded that a lot of who we are has to do with how we respond to the challenges we face.

She has faced hers with grace. I'm ashamed to say I have not always done so.

I still have much to learn, but I sense a slow turning of the key in a very rusty lock

Getting satisfaction -- sort of

In response to the comment that ask which piece I saw someone wearing, here is a picture of it.

It took me a couple of days to dig through the photos of jewelry that is gone, but here it is

Interestingly, this was not my favorite of the two pieces on this music theme that I made. I really liked the one that had a trumpet and a keyboard, but the lady that bought this loves it, so it's all ok



Yesterday I got my check from the State Fair for my prize money.

Because of my complaint, next year the fair folks will not change any piece entered to a different catagory without first consulting with the person that entered it.

They have still not satisfactorily answered some of my other questions, but I'll take that little bit of progress anyway.

Time to get busy!

Fizzy Lifting Drinks and Finding Purpose

Last week, as I was in the crunch of putting the finishing touches on the charity auction, my daughter starting giving me Emergen C to help me keep from catching my son-in-law's head cold.

If you are familiar with the original movie of Willie Wonka, you may remember Charlie's adventure with the Fizzy Lifting Drinks.

We started calling the Emergen C "fizzy lifting drink", and had a good laugh about it. This week I'm still using the stuff as a "just in case" --- the raspberry is pretty good tasting.

Today I got an email telling me that the total amount earned from my efforts was about $13,000, giving them about $8,000 after expenses to put toward the production of the next opera.

That number makes me feel really good. It tells me that I did a good job.

While it may sound a little silly, it feels really good to have done such a big job and have it be so successful.

The past few years I have had some times that I have felt a bit useless -- the result of having retired from the corporate job and having my daughter leave home all at about the same time.

Coordinating the auction and working with adults toward a goal has been very rewarding (if some days exasperating!).

It's good to feel like there is a purpose to what I am doing.

Now it's on to the next adventure.

Exhausted, exasperated, exhilarated

Exhausted --- yup, setting up and running the auction was lots of work

several days last week were spent "pounding the keys" to get the data into a form that the cashiers could work with

then we spent a couple of evenings creating baskets out of the various pieces that had been donated to us

Exasperated --- the worst part of the whole event is the bundling up of the packages at the end of the process

there was not really enough space to take things from the numerical sequence to the alphabetical sequence and we had about 45 minutes of just waiting for the cashiers to do their work before we could even start doing that

and by then we had people waiting at the door to pick stuff up

Exhilarated --- last year I had donated a piece of jewelry to the auction

over the years of doing shows, I've donated a lot of things to auctions or as door prizes, and I've sold a lot of my art -- bears, jewelry

for the most part after I hand over the piece, I never know again if the person that bought it or received it actually likes it or uses it or if it just ends up in a box somewhere and will eventually end up in a garage sale or a trash can

so as I sat at the back of the room while people went through the auction it was an amazing feeling to look up and see someone actually wearing the piece of jewelry I donated last year

not only was she wearing it, but she had added a piece of chain to the back of it to extend it to the perfect length for her and she adores it

at the intermission she came back and ask me to sign the back of it

how amazing ----

R.I.P. Mary

when I was a teenager I was more a fan of folk singers than rock and roll

even though I listened to the Beetles, I loved passionately the music of Peter, Paul and Mary

and although at that time in my life I didn't have the financial means to buy the albums, I listened to the radio and knew the tune and lyric to almost every song

so when I heard this morning that she was gone, I felt very sad

I'm really glad that we have all of those wonderful recordings of her reminding us that we have a social responsibility to those around us who are less fortunate that we

R.I.P.

thoughts on when a blue ribbon is a bad thing

This is the quilt my DH and I designed and made for our son-in-law, hanging in the display at the State Fair.

See there on the bottom edge --- a blue ribbon

When I first saw this at the Fair, I was thrilled

Yesterday we went to the fair grounds to pick up our entries as the fair is now over

Right now, I'm unhappy about that blue ribbon

Why? Because the fair committee for this division decided when they did the judging that this was in the wrong catagory.

I entered it in the catagory that was described as "Original design, quilt or comforter, hand quilted"

They moved it to the catagory described as "Quilt, applique, hand quilted"

And yes, it is a quilt, yes it is appliqued and yes it is hand quilted. But what I'm upset about is that they decided, after I stated on my entry form that it was an original design, that it was not.

EXCUSE ME!??

Upset I guess is not really the word --- totally enraged is better.

Oh yes, and when I asked about it at pick up, the two ladies that were manning the area said "well there's so many parrot patterns out there......"

I don't care if there are a billion parrot patterns out there --- I didn't use one of those! Each and every little feather on this quilt was hand drawn by the DH and hand sewn by me.

And what about the quilter that placed second in this catagory because they decided to move my work here? That quilter should be angry too because the competition was not fair.

I sent off an email this morning to the only contact I have at the fair, trying to find out if there is someone specific I can address this issue to. Failing that, I will just write a letter to the entries department.

Much as I love to win (and yes, I DO love to win), this is not the right way

as the title says --- some random thoughts

I'm drowning in paperwork for the charity auction I volunteered to chair; it's been at least 6 weeks since I've visited some of the blogs I used to get to once a week; and I had signed up to do "class work" over at Marty's blog, but haven't done a one.

Fall is coming, the squash in the garden are setting on, the neighbor FINALLY moved his wood pile and instead of us having to, he actually repaired the fence, which means I'll get to paint the garden shed.

Over the weekend I had two days in the row that I felt energetic and strong again so I cleaned out another shelf in the linen closet (only one to go!!) and washed all of those things as well as a whole tub full of assorted dresser scarves, table cloths, doilies and napkins (all of which had been just sitting in that tub for probably 6 or 7 years!).

Yesterday I once again felt like I'd been run through the knot hole ---- BLEAH!!

Ok, I guess this whole recovering thing will continue to be two steps forward and one step back.

This morning I actually did get to one of the blogs I read almost every day while I was recovering (I hadn't been there in nearly a week!), and found myself smiling at her adventures and longing for a group of friends like she has.

I can't wait for the auction to be done so I can get on with planning and working to sell the house and move closer to our daughter --- with a deliberate plan to find that group!

in the garden

we've had a busy little spider!

this amazing web is over an evergreen tree right outside the patio door --- I took about a dozen pictures, and this is the only one where you can really see the web

(I used a squirt bottle to put a very fine mist of water over the web, so what makes it visable are the tiny little water droplets on the web)










even though the hail beat up some of the sunflowers, they are a hardy bunch and have decided to bloom anyway

I've noticed that there are a lot more bees in the garden now that they have bloomed too

so next year when I plant, I may think about planting some flowers out there in with the crops to help draw the bees






and here is why I want more bees ---

see him there in the blossom?

busy gathering necture to make honey

oh yeah, and pollinating the squash blossom

yup, we want more bees










so I can see more blossoms that look like this!

a pumpkin!

this year we planted acorn squash, hubbard squash and pumpkins, and it's looking like we might actually get some of each --- as long as there is no more hail and the frosts don't come too early



since we're getting toward fall now, it's time to do those chores that need to happen before the snow flies

today I'm planning to scrape the old cracked paint off of the garden shed so I can give it a fresh coat of paint --- and we'll be taking a look at the fence next to the shed to see what we need to do to it too

In praise of good kids

I have a great kid

and she married a really great kid too

she reads my blogs and follows along with the "trials and tribulations" as well as the artistic endeavors

last week she saw my post about the medical bills and the tight budget and that my little piece in the budget for art supplies would be cut yet again

when I got home yesterday from our trip to the fair, there was an envelope in the mail

pretty card (Sunflowers by Monet, which is a whole special connection of it's own) with a note from my daughter and her husband and a gift card to our local craft store

when I called her and asked what the occassion was, she said she can't magically make the medical bills go away, but she can help keep me from being so depressed by keeping me in art supplies (she knows how far I can stretch this card by using coupons and shopping sales) --- her husband says a lot of the art work ends up at their house, so they should help "support my habit"

love it

like I said --- I have great kids

Shame on us

we seen to have forgotten this horror as we've moved along crashing the economy -- seems to me this was perhaps the beginning of that crash



but the economy is really the least of the shame of New Orleans and how our government left the city to die




the real shame here is that we are 4 years later and there are huge areas that are still just piles of trash ---- it took less time to rebuild sections of Europe after WWII



shame on us