so is success the opposite of failure?

well, not so much maybe

most of the definition of success now days has to do with finacial achievement, as in: Donald Trump is a big success, and Martha Stewart and Ophra

ok

I'm thinking that kind of success is totally out of the relm of possibility for my life

so what else is success?

my success has been that my daughter has grown to be a beautiful young woman that has been willing to step into adulthood and take on its responsibilities while still maintaining her passion for practicing her talents

for the last 25 years my life has largely been centered around making sure what she needed was somehow accomplished to the best of my abilities

so now what?

at the age of 57, there's a good probability I will live for at least another 30 years

it is that long span of unplanned time, yawning like a huge cat, waiting to swallow me up that is the current dragon to be slain

I envy those folks at my age that are still off doing purposeful things (at least to them) in the corporate world -- yes, my dirty little secret -- I sometimes actually miss that feeling of having somewhere to go 5 days a week and where someone cared if I was there or not

I also envy those folks that knew enough to plan well enough or got lucky enough to have the means to travel and see art and attend the theatre

it leaves me to question just how to survive another 30 years

the rebel in my make up has always taken the attack approach -- work harder (ie: more hours), change jobs, or move to a new place to start over

are some people just destined to do well? Are they "fated" to make the right choices, guided to know what to do?

is it just dumb luck?

in my experience, wishing doesn't make it so (why don't I deserve to win the lotto?)

and I haven't heard any voice from anywhere telling me what to do next to "fix" it

It makes me think of the lyric Tim Rice wrote for a song from Aida

Is it written in the stars
Are we paying for some crime
Is that all that we are good for
Just a stretch of mortal time

For some god's experiment
In which we have no say
In which we're given paradise
But only for a day

so, is the free agency to choose just punishment?

its the emergency broadcast system: this has been a test -- if this was a real emergency you would have been told where to go and what to do

guess not