What happens if I win?

Ok, I've been giving this some thought.

I admit to having wanted (since I was very young) to be the best at something and have every body know it. Perhaps that competitive edge has been what has helped me survive some very ugly places.

So the past few days I've been thinking about what happens if I win....I'm a finalist is the ACE awards from North Country Teddy Bears, and I'm waiting to hear if I make the finals for the URSA with Bears 'n Buds.

But I'm beginning to think of this in a different way. Just because I win one of those awards, is that the "goal"? What do I do then? Sit on the laurals? I think not.

More and more I'm feeling that important part of the art is the journey. The important part is not the having, its the creating, and all the other things really don't feel that important when I'm in the middle of creating something that is going well.

One of the things that Julia Cameron writes about in The Artists Way is asking the universe to give you what you need. I guess I'm trying to figure out how to do that.....

So, what do I need? Right now, this is the list that's at the top of my mind:

1) to get through all the necessary paperwork so we can get the loan and get a vehicle of our own

2) figure out where we really want to be and get on track to moving there

3) find a way to help my dad get through his depression following his surgery (how do you give a man who's whole life has been doing things that require physical strength something to look forward to if that strength will probably not return)

4) keep creating new things and find a market for them

So, this is my list today......I'm officially "asking the universe".....call it a prayer for help if you will......and now I'm listening for an answer