mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa

a while back I posted something that can only be described as a HUGE whine about not reading someone's blog because reading it made me feel bad

and for the past little while (since I posted that) I have stayed away from the subject blog

yesterday I took a peek

and instantly realized that the entire prior post should have actually been done in bright GREEN letters

here's the deal ---

first off, she has no idea I even read her stuff, so she's not aiming anything she writes at me, so it was stupid for me to think that way in the first place

second, and most important, I realize that I'm jealous of her accomplishments as she has (with seeming ease) achieved awards without being in the field for years and is now doing something else I want -- having a book published

herein is the place that I wonder somewhat if those who say it's all fate might have a point -- those who are fated to succeed will, the rest of us should just suck it up

or not

at any rate, I'm still not going to read her everyday, I don't need to have the jealousy reinforced

but I will acknowledge the issue is mine

mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa