someone defined depression that way in a piece I read recently.
Ok, maybe in the way of a 12 step plan.....hello, I'm Bev, and I'm pissed....
only problem is a lot of that anger is not only turned in but directed at every STUPID choice or act I've ever made or done......
and raging at not being able to find a way to fix any of it....yes folks, I'm a "fixer"....they say that is a man's trait, to want to fix problems....well, I either want them to get fixed or have them go away
and have no clue how to make either thing happen
......I saw a picture of that new glass shelf over the Grand Canyon, where you can look 4000 feet straight down......no thanks.....I'm doing my own version..........standing in mid air with no net
and then there is fear.....
my husband and I had a shouting match a while back and he said THOSE words..."you're just like your mother" .... to which I think "say it one more time and I'm out the door" except that some days I'm afraid I might become her, and that is pretty scary ....
its always about money ... ever notice people fight about that a lot .... but of course its being afraid of what happens when there isn't enough of it that causes the trouble for me.....
when I was a kid my parents declared bankrupcy....they were just in over their heads because of ... well, I don't really know why, which is part of the problem -- they never talked about it, they never explained what was happening, and the only thing I knew was that people were coming and taking things -- the car, the new refridgerator -- and I didn't understand ... and I was afraid ... and there you are
which I guess explains why I'm struggling right now, trying to find ways to make a little more in whatever (legal) way I can.....loosing that consulting job hurt a lot, and since it just fell into my lap in the first place, I don't know how to find another one
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